Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Abducted by Aliens...but back home now.


Put down your pitchforks!!! I know...I know...I have totally missed days of blogging. Like your favorite TV drama when writers go on strike, it is the biggest downer when the next episode fails to emerge. And I was on such daily roll... Oh, well, I do have a good excuse. I was abducted by aliens. Little ones. It's all a little hazy. There were two of them. One was smaller and spoke an interesting language that must have a base in English because every once in a while I understood a word interwoven through the babble. The little one had crazy hair and had an awful stench. The bigger one was quiet (or maybe that just seemed the case compared to the little one who was SO loud.) They carried me away and took up so much of my time it was just impossible to get to the computer! I'm still trying to figure out why they insist on calling me "mama" and why they are still here. I do like them though. They're kind of cute! I did snap off a picture of the little one so you can all see! I was safely on the other side of the fence so he couldn't get me.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

If you have to get up early...coffee would be nice!


Day 4. Yes, I am writing every day. It's like getting a new toy. The novelty is still brand spankin' new, so expect posts from me daily (when I can) for at least a week of two anyway. I was starting to worry that nothing super blog-worthy happened to me today. And then I realized, I woke up and blessed this world with my presence. Okay, I didn't actually wake up. In fact, its very rare that I "wake up". It goes more like this...I was woken up at 6AM sharp by a little pair of eyes about 2 inches from mine saying "mommy? Wanna go play?" Are you kidding me? The only thing I wanna go play is "sleep marathon" or "lets see how long mommy can keep her eyes closed". Apparently they don't teach those games in pre-school... So, I tried the 'ole why don't you climb in bed with me parent trap and rest for a few minutes. How is it a 4 year old can fidget and twist around in a bed like there were mousetraps going off under the covers. Finally, after getting kicked and head-butted one too many times, I rolled out of the bed to start the day. I think I'm going to teach the 4 year old to make coffee. That way, when I get the "mommy, wanna play" before the sun rises (and believe me - its almost the summer equinox - that bright orb is rising early) I can at least smile and nod as I levitate towards the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. mmmmmmm... cheers.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

WARNING! Don't order the Large Combo with Sex and the City!


Day 3. Okay, I am officially getting warmed up. So, tonight a friend and I went to see Sex and the City. We met up at the bar for a sophisticated meal of sushi and cosmos pre-flick looking smart in our Minolo Blahniks, Sevens, and Geborniys. That last one is a puzzle for all you fashionistas out there. Okay, so we really did have sushi and cosmos which is super high society in an area known more for its fried chicken and bar-b-que. So, that was fun. Then we goto the theatre. I suggested the medium combo which includes a half barrel of greasy, butter soaked popcorn, a two litre size drink, and a choice of overpriced candy. However, upon studying the prices, my friend quickly noted the LARGE combo was only a dollar more so we should certainly triple our calories since we will be sitting dormant for the next two hours and then going to bed. I couldn't agree more! Financially it just made sense! So, we order our LARGE combo, gather up our 20,000 calorie snack, and head to the condiment station where we added a little salt, grabbed two wrapped straws (don't ever grab the loose straws if you can help it), and napkins.


Now, as a sidebar, my friend is a Sagittarius. I am a Gemini. My husband is a Sag, and her husband is Gem. We joke when its not a gender issue, we can usually chalk it up to the stars as far as bizarre behavior. So, when we get to the napkins, I told her I already got some. She took a look at the conservative wad in my hand and immediately grabbed more. J always thinks I skimp on napkins at the movies, and I fret over the amount of paper one can pull out of those black boxes. Kind of funny. (This comes into play later...) So, off to screen #10 we go.


Partway into the movie (and this is not a spoiler) Miranda discloses it had been 6 months since she's had sex with her husband. My friend, we'll call her "Carolyn" jumped in her seat and let out a loud yelp! (I think she forgot the rest of us were in there with her for a minute...) It was so loud! We started giggling like little schoolgirls. Next, I underestimated the width of my LARGE coke and tried to palm it like a basketball. I got the cup up just past the safety of the cup holder rim when the lid popped off and the cup started to buckle along with lots of sweet, sticky liquid and some noise making ice cubes. Kersplash! At least it only got the side of my chair and some on my leg. I took my now embarrassingly small stack of napkins and cleaned myself up as best I could all the while envying the pile of clean, white napkins "Carolyn" had laid all across her pretty white pants. I held my soaking wad in my hand the rest of the movie as it was all I had. We giggled some more about my mishap. Then, next thing you know, not even 10 minutes later, "Carolyn" made the same Large combo rookie mistake. She tried to palm her coke. She made it farther past the cup rim when I heard KKERRRSPLASH! The entire coke spilled. Now, one of the only very serious, quiet parts of the movie is going on and "Carolyn" and I are in hysterics. I could hardly see the movie through my tears and if it were a deep, thought-provoking film, I surely would have been lost. Now, we had a dilemma. When the movie is over, do we high-tail it out of there before anyone sees how bad we've destroyed our area? Or do we sit and wait for the lights to come on so we avoid any potential injury from wet floors? We waited for the lights...and when they came on OH MY the river of coke. We had to go out our row the long way to avoid the puddles. I try to pick up all my garbage when I leave my seat, so I turned to grab my coke which was about 1/3 full. I amateurishly tried to palm my beverage again and when the top popped off in the cup holder, I was like forget it! So, my apologies for those who had to clean up after us but I'm sure they've seen much worse. So, my lesson for today...don't be a pig and order the large combo. Save the dollar and the dry cleaning bill for something else!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Foot is healing just fine...thanks to some Red Wine


Okay, so its my second day as an official blogger. My little site doesn't look as cool as some others (hhhmmmmm....you know who you are walker off''er), but hey, give me a few more posts and I will rock this thing! Okay, so I am back to life as we know it. One thing I am pretty pissed off about is the fact that I can't swim. Well, I CAN swim, (not drowning counts right?), but I had this foot surgery - by the worlds best surgeon - on my birthday last week to remove some glass...I was at one of my best friends beach house where mysteriously a vodka bottle was dropped and the only piece of glass not sucked up by the "claimed" vacuum found its way deep into my foot. The first attempt to remove the glass included an office visit to above-mentioned surgeon, where 100 shots of some stinging liquid was fired into the ball of my foot. Yeee-ouch! After digging around for what felt like four hours (probably really only about 15 minutes) I was told the quickest way to rid myself of the filthy sharp funk was a real operation. Scrubs, hair bonnets, narcotics and all! So, on my birthday I got to hang out in a cute little buttless gown and read my book while I awaited my time in the sterile operating environment. Long story short, all went well. I read 100 pages of my new book (Riding Lessons - kind of scary if you're an eventer) and had a great nap. Added bonus, I got the glass out of my foot! Happy, happy feet! Still a little sore, but every day is better.




Okay, so I totally opted to not allow comments due to a prior youtube a-hole who commented that my darling dancing children sucked. Total stranger and who asked him anyway? So, I may allow comments on my blog, but just know, I crumble with criticism, so if you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say anything at all...or lie!




BTW - tried a great new wine tonight - called "Red Knot" Cab - out of Australia I think...yummy~!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Of course I'm fabulous! Belmont Story...











Okay, so I've been wanting to start a blog for some time. Whether anyone will read it or not...well, I guess I'll have no idea if noone is reading it, but just for the sake of s&g's, we'll pretend this is the number one blog stop on the web and TONS of people are reading this. Think of me like your morning cup of coffee...got to have it first thing or your whole day is shot.
So, you're wondering, what happened in my gerbil wheel life that launched me off of "thinking of blogging" to actually signing up and doing it? A trip to the BELMONT Stakes baby! So, instead of repeating the story 18,000 times (not that I don't love telling it), I figured I would detail it once and you can all read about it over and over because the story is just so great...btw envying me is okay.
So, here it is...went to dinner with some close friends for my birthday (unbelievable how many times one can turn 29) friday night. There was some wine flowing and as far as I can remember there were possibly some hard liquor drinks and perhaps a beer or two as well. We somehow got on the subject of Big Brown and the fact there hadn't been (and still hasn't been) a Triple Crown winner in over 30 years. Long story short (don't worry, I won't skimp on most details), next thing I know we're told if we can get tickets, we have a ride up to NY! So, home we go in the wee hours of the morning (I am drunk calling my old cronies at the BH thinking surely someone will check their voicemail at 11:30 on a Friday night, hunting for coveted Belmont tickets.) Next morning, wandering through a haze of post-big-night-early-children-risers hell, we got the confirmation that we weren't dreaming or high-fiving drunk talking, this trip was FOR REAL! I frantically pulled out my baby-sitter arsenal list and starting speed dialing numbers desperate for child care. At one point, things were looking a bit slim, so I considered just randomly calling people out of the phone book, but then I thought I may not have access to TV broadcast of the race in my jail cell, so I quickly reconsidered. Out of pure desperation, I called my neighbor to watch first shift from 12-3. Luckily for me, they are big race fans and I pulled my Belmont card out at the opportune moment, and Mrs. E. caved and committed.
Child care...check.



Next, oh, just GO! Jumped in the car with a cooler full of beer and champagne and went to the local airport to meet our private jet. Walked out on the tarmac and hopped right in (after my dorky 50 pictures I had to take). I just wasn't made to fly commercial. Anyway, arrived with a waiting town car, went to pick up our tickets at a stubhub location, and off to the races we went (with our friends J & C too). Got to the track in time for race #7. Didn't win a damn thing on my sorry bet, but it was fun. I have no idea where I was for race #8. Race #9, my husband tipped an usher and explained to him that I just HAD to see this race, and we scooted down to front row seats on level 2 - right at the finish line. Race went off, lost bet again (I've totally lost my touch since leaving LEX...). Now, there is one more race and then the Belmont Stakes race. J said place all bets for the rest of the time, and let's to sit back down in our non-seats. (Our seats were way the hell down by the quarter pole and were on the third level). So, we scoot right on back through and go down to our "seats" again, which by the way, HAD to be about the best seats in the house! Race #10 goes off...yes, lost another one...and then we sat...and sat...and waited to get our butts kicked out of our seats...and people started filling in around us...but we sat...and owned those seats...and we sat...5 mtp...(that's minutes to post for you non-racey readers)...3 mtp...more people filling in around us...1 mtp...0...we did it! We were in a corporate block and nobody knew we had nothing to do with the company that bought the block!
Anyway, as you all know, Big Brown was a big loser, and the only history we witnessed was there has never been a Triple Crown contender that finished last! Oh, well, there are many more details to the story, but this is the gist of it. Okay, one more, I had to walk what felt like a thousand miles on my 2 day-post surgery foot (this is another story altogether!!!)
So, there you have it. Pretty much the story. And just for the record...I am pretty fabulous! I'll see if I can figure out how to post photos too... Keep with me, I'm just learning!