Audra's Life

Another Question of the Day

2011-06-12T23:01:00.004-04:00

Question: Where do babies come from?

Audra's Answer: Really? Of all the questions in the world to pick from the air, the first one I thought of was this? Ok, so let's talk about it. Why can't babies "come from" a stork? I guess besides the total danger of flying a newborn high above the world in nothing but a thin piece of cloth tied up like a sling and dangling from a beak could have something to do with it. But think of how lovely it would be!

No painful birth for starters. Things wouldn't get all out of whack and never really quite get back the way they're supposed to. No feeling hungover for 4 months and going postal when you discover someone (aka husband) ate the last sleeve of Saltines after he stumbling home drunk and those CRACKERS ARE A NECESSARY SURVIVAL TOOL.

The weight gain, the endless heartburn, the insomnia, the excessive exhaustion, the fretting over the crib linens, do you get the matching bumper set or is it a waste of money (clearly waste of money since you're not supposed to use them anyway...dampens oxygen flow or some crap), do you get the glider with the rocking footstool or is that fluff like the bumpers (GO for the rocking footstool...good use of funds), the breast pump (that deserves a line of its own but for my own sanity's sake I will keep going), baby bottles, baby food (do you make your own? Hell no...), diapers...cloth or world-ending-live-in-a-landfill-forever disposables? My goodness, the list could go on, and on, and on...and it does.

But, to answer my question...where do babies come from? They ALL come from an incredible woman who's body did some crazy shit to bring you into this world. And if we moms could trade it all in for a stork delivery? I bet most of us would definitely think about it....

Cheers to all the amazing moms out there...

Question of the Day

2011-06-11T07:34:00.007-04:00

My first "Audra's Answers to the Question of the Day" is dedicated to my Book Club...who recently just took things a little too seriously and provoked me to respond with such crap that it sparked some deeply buried creative seed that is now presenting itself. It also reminded me I have a blog. And some people actually read it. So, here goes...

Question: "How many times during a baseball game does the catcher get gassed?"

Audra's Answer:

Clearly when you are raising two boys there is bound to be an orchestra of bodily noises playing during a good part of the day. Therefore, burps and farts are just a normal part of my world. For those of you with girls, or who are just a little prudish, you may be reading this with your mouth gaped open thinking "and she seems so polite and proper to write about such things". Boy moms are all nodding with a small smile on their face.

So, with that, back to the question at hand. Baseball players are not really known for their "Emily Post-Like" manners on the field. The spitting, the chewing, the sunflower seed spitting. So naturally, bodily noises are a part of the game too. Just think of the effort a baseball player uses when he swings a wooden bat at a hard ball traveling towards his face going mach 1. It's rapid response with alot of force. He's standing with his legs spread, his bottom (we're not allowed to say butt in this house) extended, and he's exerting force. a+b=c.

Now if you think about it, there is a man squatting right behind him as all this is going on. Bless him.

And, I bet some batters just do it on purpose because there is an enemy's nose inches from his derriere.

So, to answer the question... LOTS!

And for the record, I have turned into quite the baseball fan. After totally screwing up a year ago by not wearing red on opening day, I redeemed both the boys and I this year. Cardinals attire from head to toe. And yes, that's me with some Cardinals baseball boys.

Climbing Mountains

2010-10-27T23:37:00.002-04:00

So, I've decided a few things. One of them is to face my fears head on. For those of you who know me well, you know I HATE HEIGHTS. Even when I was young, climbing the 8-9 stairs from the Wert's driveway to their front door was incredibly terrifying for me. Clearly, I was going to slip through the hole between the slats and fall to my death. But, just like anything in life, one baby step at a time, and slowly I learned, I will not slip through that ridiculously small hole and fall the 2 feet to my death. That I could actually climb the stairs by feel and get to the top...safely. So, I have decided in life, I am going to baby step all my fears and face and conquer them one at a time.

Step one: HEIGHTS: am going to climb. First a wall. Then a rock...Then a mountain.

Step two: NEEDLES and PAIN: tattoo should handle this one. Seeking artist that can draw an awesome pegasus.

Step Three: LOSING CONTROL: being out of control is out of my comfort zone...Mind, body, spirit. Regaining control...

Love me.

Found a Dream Box

2010-10-21T23:08:00.002-04:00

Still unpacking...yes, almost a year later there are a few boxes here and there that contain nothing but shit I don't need, but I will still take the time to see what treasures lie within. Today I found a small hidden box. It was covered in dust and taped shut. I opened the little box and there they were...all my dreams. Tucked away. Just waiting to be rediscovered...
Well, guess what...

Well...hello!

2010-10-12T22:02:00.002-04:00

Clearly don't get me riled up on a topic. Since I've scared away any followers of my blog (except you hard-corers out there...yeah BW I know you're still reading) with my last entry, I thought I would continue on with the new me, chapter 2 stuff.
First of all, I need my horse back. She's been off for 6 months and its driving me crazy. I need her. I need to ride. She is a piece of the puzzle that keeps slipping out of place. Hopefully, we're on the road to recovery, and our recovery time is starting to count down.
Secondly...some people just plain piss me off. Just as my horoscope says...I love deeply and hate intensely...and my emotions are very extreme. For those of you who dare hang with me, this is frighteningly true.
If I like you...congrats. You made it to the club and unless you do something REALLY bad, you can count on me for life (I also bail out of jail no questions asked...)
Other than that...SSDD, but life is good.
Cheers!

CHAPTER 2

2010-09-24T22:05:00.004-04:00

You may as well title this one CHAPTER 2. (Of course there have been numerous sub chapters within chapter one...)
I am me. Can I yell this any louder? Is anyone listening?!!! Clearly in the land of cotton there has been some excess that made its way into many a ear...but I've got news for you. I am me. And I am so proud of the new me. Not that I was ever a shit-taker, but I have evolved into a new, and maybe a more hardened, but more effective me. I LOVE this new me.
So, for those of you who have loved the old me...you will love this new me even more (at least most of you...there may be a few of you weaklings that can't handle it, but that's okay...survival of the fittest...good f'in luck to you...)
Love to all my followers...clearly you can handle any kind of ripple in the perfect fabric of life that is to be expected from me...and just for the record...I will always have the last word...(and really, anything after that doesn't really count anyway since I won't be listening anyway...)
CHEERS!!!!

Politics...

2010-08-10T00:01:00.003-04:00

Oh no, don't let me get up on my soapbox. Politics...what a dirty little word. I guess I'll cut myself off there tonight before I get myself into trouble...

My Little Man

2010-08-05T04:58:00.002-04:00

I know I was warned how childhood flicks by with the blink of an eye and I'm starting to appreciate that comment. In the past 8 months, my little guy has transformed from a sweet little kindergartner at the little church preschool to a teeth-losing, too cool, wii playing, getting ready to start 1st grader.
1st Grade...let that one sink in for a minute. Real school. No more naps and cutsie time. This is the real deal.
No more Mickey Mouse clubhouse. Cartoon network and ICarly are cool. No more "fancy shirts" like a Target polo. Graphic tee's only. I don't get to style his hair anymore. He wants to do it.
This is all alot for a mom to take in. At least there's still plenty of little boy in him still. Cuddles and book reading (ONLY in the privacy of our home, but I'll take it), playing cars, Candyland still gets a few rounds, and a lollipop is still an exciting treat.
So, here's to hanging onto the threads of childhood and true innocence. How sweet these times are.

Beached Whale Baby

2010-07-23T08:55:00.003-04:00

Just returned not too long ago from going to the beach in NC. There are so many things I do love about the beach. The salt air, the sound of the waves, the hot weather. But, I think all that beachiness brings out the inner whale in me.
For some reason, its okay to start drinking beer on the beach at noon to wash down the entire bag of Doritos I'm hording. I'll eat things dripping in cheese and finish it off with a chocolatini. The snack cupboard is getting more of a workout than my body is. WHY is this?
So, here we go. Back on the bandwagon. My apologies to those of you who own Frito Lay stock as you should see a significant dip as I cut off my chip buying privileges. I will NOT be a beached whale unable to stuff one leg into a pair of jeans once the temperature drops off to 15. Mumu's just don't do as well in snow drifts.
So, here we go...

Angelina Jolie

2010-06-28T22:56:00.004-04:00

I get the majority of my news from my YAHOO homepage. This isn't because I think it is a reputable news source, its because by the time I get to the kitchen and sip the first of my coffee, the kids have already attacked and the only possible hope of a second peaceful sip is to quickly turn on anything Disney. Which in turn has me firing up my Droid to see if anyone gives a shit and has sent me an email outside of trying to sell me Viagra or those annoying lose all your luck and your life's going to pot of you don't forward this chain email to your closest 1000 friends.

Today, Angelina Jolie was staring back at me with some crappy story about how her daughter wants to be a boy. Whatever. No matter your opinion of Jolie, she really is stunning. The thing I admire most about her is her "this is what you get" attitude. I love that. I want to be that. For now, I'll have to just read stories about her and catch some pics when she tops the YAHOO headlines. One day, I'll get to the "this is what you get" stage. No, really, all you nay-sayers...I will. Plus, I think tattoos are really cool...

Happy Frickin' Birthday to Me!

2010-06-10T10:52:00.003-04:00

Another year...another birthday. Well, I'll tell you what. Birthdays are GREAT. There is no other day I can truly claim as my own. If I want to goto brunch, I'm not elbow fighting 500,000 other moms to get the last piece of cold bacon. If I want to open a gift, I don't have to wait and oooh and aaaah over others as they slowly lift the tape on each corner of their precious box in order to "save and reuse" the wrapping paper. (And don't even THINK of throwing that bow out!) If I want to read my book, I can pull out the "its my birthday" card and prop my feet up guilt-free and get lost in some garbage fictional world.

So, birthdays are great. So what if its another number closer to 100. The reality is, this is a great time of life. I can order wine and actually know what I am doing. I can cut off an entire line of ice cream eaters to order an emergency water for a sick child without batting an eye. I can dress up in stilettos and not look like I'm trying on my mom's shoes. I can pretty much do anything and not be looked at like "she's too young". And the other stuff? The "she's too old for that" stuff? Well, for those things I still like to do, that's what I have kids for...its because they wanted to do it.

So, here's to another year older. The good news is E thinks I'm 23 and D is convinced I'm 16 because that's how old you have to be to drive a car. Oh, and the cake? It's a "monster (dinosaur) with a pink ti era holding yellow flowers", which is truly a mommy of boys cake...Cheers!

Practicing Self Control

2010-05-25T22:06:00.003-04:00

Self control...what a concept. I wish I were one of those people that could just spout out what came to mind. But no...somewhere along the line I was taught to say the right things and to act the right way. I want to stand on the roof of my car with the music blaring and scream into the night. But, I won't. Society has taught me that is inappropriate behavior, and sadly, I succumb to the inner walls of my proper world. I want to have tattoos of wise words and Pegasuses drawn all over my back and down my arms, across my neck, and down to the tips of my fingers...but I won't...wouldn't look proper. I want to free hand paint my walls with trees and birds and music notes...but I won't...

Bless my Sweet Pony!

2010-03-31T22:54:00.003-04:00

So, Audra the rider is back in the saddle. Yahoo! Miss Princess Ana is doing GREAT. I am so proud of her. It feels so good to view the world from atop my pony again.

Now, the part I'm not loving so much is the post-winter fit of my breeches. Skin hugging pants just don't look as good in March as they do in July. Plus, the arena I'm working in has mirrors...oh yes...walls of them...the horror of it. I try not to look as I go trotting by. Thankfully, my confidence is still building so I don't have much time to take my "eyes off the road" and gawk at myself.

Oh well...thankfully warm weather and riding make me crave smoothies and lean protein instead of McDonald's and gooey pizza. So, here's to being back in the saddle, and cheers to losing some saddle bags. ; )

Speechless...yes, me.

2010-02-16T23:09:00.003-05:00

It's not very often that I'm at a loss for the typed word...but today I am. So, here's to a goodnight, drug-induced, sleep, and hopefully my fingers will be clacking better tomorrow...

Just Can't Get it Together

2010-02-10T06:15:00.004-05:00

I know I'm not the only one who feels like they are constantly trying to run up a 20 foot slide that has been newly iced over. I get my thoughts together, I ball up my fists, I scrunch my brow and focus...focus... I get about two step in when my feet slip, my body crashes down, and next thing I know there I am at the bottom again. At the bottom again with nothing accomplished. So, I move on. This time to the gerbil wheel. Around and around and around. The same thing over and over. Just when I feel like I'm getting somewhere...I'm back where I started. And of course, Groundhog Day. Didn't I just to the exact same thing yesterday? How did all this laundry get here? Where did the sink go under all these dishes? And the dust bunnies! How did they find their way back so quickly???

So, here's to getting up early...and having a better day today...

FOR SALE

2010-01-31T21:13:00.000-05:00

...well not yet...but very sadly thinking about it...

Me? Tennis?

2010-01-22T05:02:00.004-05:00

The other day I got an invitation to play tennis. Yes, tennis. In my desperation to have any adult time (bonus - add in a little calorie burning), I accepted. I don't play tennis. I have never played tennis. I have absolutely no formal training in tennis at ALL.

So, hoping I wouldn't instantly crush any chance at three new friends, I scrapped together an outfit I thought suitable for my first appearance on the court. I found some all purpose leggings that can go athletic or black tie, dusted off a workout skort I found in the back of my closet, located some tennis shoes that didn't have a black bottom (see, at least I knew this much), and fished out one of my riding/golf shirts...which I think are all about the same, they just change the little logo for the sport they're selling for (all equally ridiculously expensive...). I was ready.

Got to the athletic club and met the crew. I instantly announced my lack of experience just so we were all clear that tournament bound we would not be any time soon with me as the new addition. Seemed to not be a problem. Pro showed up handed me a racket and asked me what sort of tennis experience I had.

Oh boy...none. None? None...Have you every hit a ball? Like, just hit one with a racket? Sure! It looked more like I was playing baseball hitting fly balls, but YES I have hit a tennis ball. Ok...let's go.

Long story short...I'll have to give kudos, where kudos are due (they are fat-free of course). My BFF back in RMT is a super duper tennis star. If it weren't for her, I would bypass tennis matches on TV as fast as I flip past CSPAN. But, since I felt a pull to understand her world a little more, I made it a point to watch and learn. So, even though my serve is laughable, my backhand is "extremely underdeveloped", and my forehand is 50/50, I can at least keep score, know where the lines are and what they mean, I can talk like I know what the hell I'm doing, and I know who S. Williams is (which I think...poor thing...could use a B reduck too - I'm with ya girl!!!) (So, thx, my friend...)

Well, after all was said and done, I wasn't as bad as I thought, and it looks like I can keep up with my new friends S,J, and M (at least they invited me back again). Overall, I had a really good time and enjoyed tennis. So, a little adult time, $3 an hour child care for Dalton, and some exercise...I think tennis is FAB!

New Gazzillion Dollar Business Idea

2010-01-16T06:45:00.004-05:00

I've got this fabulous new idea. It's guaranteed to make zillions of dollars. Everyone needs my product so success is imminent. I won't need a big warehouse to stock lots of inventory, nor will I need a huge staff to manage and deliver. All profit...in my pocket...

Of course, like any new business venture, there are a few challenges that lie ahead. Not being an expert engineer, the actual "making" of my product looks to be a bit difficult. If producing my product from scratch proves unattainable, then I will look to my next option which would be the harvesting of already available product. Again, my expertise in this field is limited which would force me to then recruit and employ the correct specialty staff which could be costly, but should prove minimal in the long run.

I will require a bit of capital to get things rolling. I know many of you would not pass up the chance to be involved in a cutting edge idea such as this. I will even include a brick with your name on it to be placed outside in my yard. Or, if your contribution is substantial, I have a kids park bench that I will hand carve your name into.

So...(insert drum roll)...what is this amazing idea? I am going to sell T-I-M-E. Yes, people, time. Because we all either need it or want it. I am also going to offer negative time (which will be very closely regulated - you will need a prescription to purchase this option). Negative time is for those going through a troubling or stressful time and need time to go by faster. For example, if you are meeting with the florist about your wedding flowers and both your mother and mother-in-law think they have an opinion, you can opt to use negative time to fast-forward to the end result which can be to the end of the meeting and to the choice you ultimately will choose. Or, in very extreme cases of meddling, you can use negative time to get straight to the wedding. Another example would be potty traineing a child. Use negative time to get through the poopy underwear and all the other "accidents" that leave you frustrated and sometimes horrified (like when your child has a nookarooka (another word for really bad diaper - usually up the back) in a furniture store looking at big boy beds and decides to investigate the awful sludge with a few fingers before wiping on his pant leg...all to a non-aware mommy who is painfully trying to not make the wrong decision on her child's bedroom furniture that will most likely send him off to college...(yes, true story...yes, yesterday...and, yes, have to go back today to actually order the furniture...so embarrassing.) In this case, negative time can bypass all of this and get straight to the furniture showing up in his room.

The only negative part of negative time, is not only do you fast forward through painful and stressful events, you will simultaneously bypass anything good happening at this time. Therefore, be warned...negative time should only be used in extreme situations.

So, there you have it. Time for purchase and negative time for purchase. I am looking for anyone wanting to prepay or invest in this amazing idea. (If I get enough investors, I might actually get that Mac and new camera I've been coveting and actually have a legit business that I know something about...but shhhhh...)

All I know is good business ideas come from experience. And of all things I could use in my life..its more time!!!!

I Want to Sleep Like a KING!

2010-01-15T06:39:00.004-05:00

So it's no secret that some crazy biological malfunction occurred simultaneously with the conception of what is now Dalton that robs me of sleep on a daily basis. That being said, my sleep habits are at best "unsatisfactory" with drugs, and completely nonexistent without. Add two kids, two dogs, superhuman mommy hearing that hears every wind shift in the night, and a small bed. I used to think a Queen bed was HUGE... And it is when you're 6 and you sleep in a twin. But, I've leaned, the longer you're married, the more kids you have, and the older you get, the good ole queen just starts shrinking. Last night, first wake up call around 1:30 was a nightmare...Being too lazy and tired to deal with it, we did the whole, just pull him into bed, reassure that those bad monsters have gone away, snuggle, kiss, and back to sleep. Next pitter patter occurred about 3AM (still a little early to start my day). Pulled this one into the bed. Laid there with him while he and his brother kicked one another for about an hour. Put him on other side of me but then was afraid he would roll out. So, about 4:15, I'd had enough torture. Figured, a few hours was good enough to survive my day on, and gave the little one some Tylenol for his pain, and put him back to bed. Made some coffee and decided to have a little mommy time on the computer...hence another successful blog post. Well, maybe one day I'll get my new over sized KING and then maybe I'll get to sleep like one...wouldn't that be nice.

Giving Notice

2010-01-13T06:45:00.002-05:00

I'd like to take a few days off for vacation. No, I don't want to go anywhere or do anything specific. In fact, sitting still and being quiet, is enough.

So, here's my notice. I would like this Saturday and Sunday off.

I would like to sleep past 5AM. I would like to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and enjoy the day slowly beginning. I would like to sip my coffee curled up in the sunroom and enjoy the sun streaming in through the windows as I watch the birds convene at the feeder. I would like to sit at my computer and mindlessly surf the web. I would like to write. Later in the afternoon, I would like to lie down and relax. I would order dinner in. No chores, no children, no noise.

Sounds perfect.

Now, my only problem is I haven't figured out where and to whom I'm supposed to submit my notice...

Is it Bad I Keep Calling the Dog "Dalton"?

2010-01-09T08:31:00.003-05:00

I know its bad...but probably about the same as calling one child by the others name (admit it - you've done it). I mean, really, if we look at it, there are probably more similarities than differences between Dalton and Bentley so using their names interchangably is an honest mistake...

What's different:
1. Two legs versus four.
2. One I can put in a kennel, lock the door and leave, and not get arrested.

What's the same:
1. Both are young and...well, young.
2. Both are working on potty training although I'll have to give this one to Bentley...he goes where he is supposed to about 95% of the time, while Dalton goes where he is supposed to less than 5%.
3. Both make lots of noise.
4. Neither one listen to me.
5. I have to repeat my request/command at least 5 times at increasing volume levels to acheive even partial compliance.
6. Both require ALOT of attention.
7. Both wake me up early.
8. Both need to goto school to learn and neither are enrolled.
9. Both drive me NUTS!
10. Both are a ball of nonstop activity.
11. Both are cute.
12. Both like to cuddle.
13. Both can destroy a toy in 2 seconds flat.
14. Both argue with their sibling over toys.
15. Both love their mommy and give lots of kisses.

; )

Ringing in 2010!!!

2010-01-06T07:36:00.004-05:00

What in the world is wrong with me? I went and neglected my blog again. Shame...shame...

So, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Oh, well, its not like I've been cozying up with a box of bon-bons or anything. So, quick update...since October...

1. Moved to St. Louis.
2. Emerson takes the big yellow school bus to his new elementary school.
3. Dalton has no school yet.
4. Mommy is looking into padded rooms for self.
5. Looking into loan to pay for 3 year old preschool...yes, its that expensive.
6. Might have to sell horse and dogs too. Boxer anyone?
7. Had a Happy Thanksgiving in Springfield with the Wisemans. Saw my horse...she is fat and happy.
8. Husband turned 40.
9. Friends and family came to town. Had a blast...(and a break from Dalton).
10. Had a Merry Christmas.
11. Went to NC for NYE.
12. Brian turned 40 - celebrated NYE and had a great time until I got tackled...which was still fun but have a sore elbow and hip which is healing fine. Should be 100% by the time I get released from my padded room.
13. Came back to STL where it is REALLY &*(&( COLD!!!!
14. Awaiting first real SNOW tonight.
15. Found my computer in mess of boxes in office so should be able to update blog more often than every 3 months. ; )

Whew! Okay, you're caught up.
Cheers!

Just an Overdue Update

2009-10-19T22:11:00.003-04:00

So one thing I really don't handle too well is being vomited on (unless its by me on myself and its totally self-inflicted...)

So, Dalton's got the flu. Not sure if its the media overhyped H1N1 virus, but possible. Noone is testing for it anymore because its expensive and once the results come back, kids are already back to school. If the media wants something scary to talk about, call me, I have a whole list ready. So, yes, I got the full on flu vomit bath yesterday...followed by the bloody nose sheet change by the healthy other child...and overall yucky bodily fluids not being contained very well. I called about renting a HAZ MAT suit, but they were all already all out on loan (due to a DATELINE epsiode the night before about microscopic dangers in your kitchen).

So, just an update:
1. We sold our house. YIPPEE!
2. We are buying another house... YIPPEE!
3. Emerson is going to the pumpkin farm tomorrow.
4. Dalton is staying home.
5. I will have roast beef...just kidding...it just seemed like the next logical thing to say.
6. Ana ships out in a week or so to Cynthia's back 40.
7. I am actually sleeping at night (except being awakened to be vomited on).
8. I think my friends have already forgotten me.
9. I bet if I vomit on them, they will remember me, but may not like me too much anymore.
10. I love fall.

I am going to bed...

Where the hell have I been?

2009-09-14T06:00:00.002-04:00

I know you are all asking the above question along with me...Okay, with every one's sanity at stake here, I'll give you the super-quick, super-revised, super-fast version, because a shower is an absolute necessity today and I have a very short window...

So, to sum up what's going on...here's the cliff note version.

1. Emerson started Kindergarten.
2. Dalton started 3 year old preschool.
3. Dalton won't potty train and has convinced me its chic to wear diapers to college. Keeps saying "tomorrow". My ultimate procrastinator.
4. Dalton can climb out of and back into his crib faster than a speeding bullet...(yes, he is still in one...see #5).
5. We're moving to St. Louis.
6. Emerson is taking karate. He's earned his uniform and white belt.
7. Dalton is going through the terrible 3's.
8. Ana is on stall rest from a leg injury and is just overall pissed off about it.
9. Bentley is almost as big as Scarlett...and he's 6 months old. Can you say 90 pounds plus?
10. I am realizing just how much crap we have after touring the moving estimator through our house...how many trucks will we need?
11. Need a buyer for our house here.
12. Need a buyer who wants a barn cat with the house...(and some days children too).
13. Would like one night in a hotel room by myself with room service, good wine, a good book, some good sleeping pills, a mask, earplugs, dark curtains, and a "privacy please" sign down a "quiet area" wing...even for just an hour...
14. Lots of exciting things going on...hanging on to this roller coaster and loving the ride!

Okay, so, it took a bit, but I think I'm back in the saddle for my blog. Now that you kind of know where I've been (really, nowhere new physically, but kind of scattered mentally), you're all caught up!

My Sweet Pony

2009-07-27T23:04:00.003-04:00

So...I rode my horse today. No, really, this is a big deal since she has been a full-time yard ornament for the past few months. How great to just hop right on and have no fear or feel the need to have 911 pre-dialed on my cell phone.
So, we didn't do alot. She's fat. I'm fat. It was just one of those, let's get to know you again rides. (And, you could stand to lose a few LB's). We hacked around and worked on some walk work and a little trot work. Arena footing a bit off so we were taking it easy. Plus, she had half her hoof drilled out (kind of like a bad cavity) so I think she's a little tender footed on her left front. Anyway, it was so refreshing to be back on my pony. I only realize how much I need her in my life once I get back on her. I'm a whole new person (and almost two with my recently multiplying fat cells).
Anyway, it was nice to get back on...

How Do YOU Describe Friendship?

2009-07-06T15:29:00.002-04:00

Well. I'll answer my own question. A friend in my opinion is someone who:

1) is there when you need them
2) would pick you up and drive you home no matter the time
3) will always tell you that you're right (unless you're disagreeing with them...)
4) will NEVER betray you

And that's all I have to say about that.

We Caught Him!

2009-06-26T22:28:00.003-04:00

So, last night J set up the trap to catch our allegedly rabid fox complete with old Christmas garland to cover and camouflage the steel box. Armed with smelly sardines it was only a matter of time before the poor creature would wander in and then...SLAM!

Well guess what! This morning the trap was squealing and rocking...and hissing and scratching...we caught our own cat.

Oh well, better luck next time. Sorry Smokey.

Oh...the DRAMA

2009-06-25T22:29:00.004-04:00

Okay. So, I know it's been a bit since I've wowed you all with my words of wisdom. Actually, it was more I was having a hard time letting go of looking at the Bentley in prime blog real estate when I logged in.

So, what's going on. Dogs are good. Nobody's eaten anybody lately. Have a sick kid...that totally sucks but at least vomiting has been limited to twice and fever coddling with meds and cold cloths is totally doable. What horse?... All is well.

Sad about Farrah...always admired her and thought her beautiful. May you rest in peace and if you have a chance give Bandit a pat on the head for me.

What's with Michael? That was odd. Don't have much of a public opinion about that except I did perform a group talent show number to "Beat It" in Elementary School. Oh, and "Man in the Mirror" was some lame pre-show number I did for some beauty pageant...(oh, I didn't just admit I did a small handful of those...oh no...) Okay, so a rest in peace to you too, but you don't have to pet my dog.

I'm thinking about my dear friend CE who's going through some trying times.

What else. J thinks we have a rabid fox in the neighborhood. Here's where men and women are very different. I open the phone book to the government listings and look up "wildlife". J meticulously sets out a trap baited with horrific odorous sardines. And just on a sideline here. Have you ever smelled those things??? I thought something had holed up under our house and died three weeks ago the stench was so awful. I came out of D's room after 20 minutes of sleepy rocking only to have my nasal passages assaulted. J came in and said "can you smell it?" Smell it! I think I need a bath now. Anyway, how anyone in their right mind can put those smelly little fish (they are fish right?) on pizza is an absolute atrocity! It should be banned. Anyway, so J puts the sardines where they should be - in the trap (in fact that's what they should be marketed as - BAIT) and we sat outside partaking in spirits awaiting the arrival of the rabid fox. Clearly, he hasn't come yet or I would be writing about that, and I gave up to come inside and blog away. Anyway, kind of funny. J is in for the hunt...I am not. But, I will say, I did check the trap first thing this morning, and will surely beeline for the backdoor to check it tomorrow morning...You'll be sure to know if we catch something...or I'll be back on this blog in another 3 months or so...just kidding... ; )

Our New Bentley

2009-05-18T14:22:00.007-04:00

So, last week for Mother's Day, I drove 2 hours to go pick up our new 2009 model Bentley.
Ours doesn't look quite like the picture above.

You can check it out at http://www.myboxerdogbloglife.blogspot.com/ -
you may want to read it backwards and start with day 1.

Aaaaaaaaaaa....

2009-04-26T07:01:00.002-04:00

What a difference a week can make. Things are good here. Scarlett is healing just fine. She's enjoying her new diet of canned mush and has finally started drinking. Yea for Miss Scarlett...and for us.

So, before life got derailed once again (and I now have my safety harness securely cinched down tight), I was on the road to fabulous things. You know, the whole reinventing myself. I'm thinking a tattoo should be in order. What an uproar that would cause. How very non-rockymountesque. Maybe I'll get one in the middle of my forehead...okay maybe not...that doesn't sound like such a great idea especially when I think about what I would want permanently inked on my face.

In all reality, when I close my eyes, and think what would give me what I need, I always go back to my camera. Its my escape, my love, and my passion. So, for all my devoted bloggies out there (and I know my audience is becoming vast) if you see me, and I'm not totin', ask me why not...dammit. ; )

What a Gift...

2009-04-20T19:55:00.006-04:00

Today was an amazing day...there are no words to describe today except...well, amazing and truly a blessing.

Today was Scarlett's big day going to the Vet School. (NC State for those of you not familiar with this facility...and if you have animals and have never been there, then you need to be thankful...but, if you have a sick pet, there is no other place you need to be...).

Our day didn't start out so great. It was raining, I was beyond stressed and emotionally raw. I threw the kids in the car for school. We raced down 64 so I could get them in their rooms by 9am and be at the vet school by 10am. Pushing it...yes. I looked at my phone as I got in the car and had 4 messages. Who was looking for me? Well, it would be my babysitter who was sick. A huge wrench in my day. After going through my arsenal of sitters, my dear friend agreed to take both kids for the afternoon (bless her). Whew...

Got to the vet school at 10...sharp. Got Scarlett inside and my bottom barely hit the waiting room seat before Scarlett's name was called. My heartbeat tripled. She was shaking. I was shaking. We were both scared for different reasons. Or, maybe we were both scared for the same reason...the unknown.

The Dentistry resident and two Class of '09 students swiftly took Scarlett and I into exam room 5. They carefully placed the tissue box at my feet as I tearfully recalled the events that got us to this moment. They took her pulse and wrote some notes and said they would be right back. Then they left. Scarlett "sat" on my lap the best a 55 pound dog can. We waited.

The panel of vets came back with Dr. G. He flipped on the xray viewing light and slid the film into the clip. "It looks like we most likely have a dentigerous cyst". All I heard was, it looks like its not a tumor. It's not a tumor. It's not. It's not..."It's not a tumor?" I asked just to be clear. He said he couldn't say 100% but all signs were pointing to a very large cyst. A cyst that had been growing since puppyhood due to some teeth not erupting in her mouth properly. "What are our options?" Due to the size, Dr. G. highly recommended removal. "And if we did nothing?" The cyst would continue to grow and eventually take over her jaw fracturing it along the way and our problems would escalate. My next question was "when" and "how much". Amazingly, he could perform the surgery today, and Miss Scarlett could go home late afternoon.

I called Jason and he agreed that we needed to do this for our beloved pet. I signed some forms and gave her a kiss before they took her away. Dr. G explained the procedure and what to expect. "We'll call you" he said and I turned and walked out.

Several hours later after an afternoon in Raleigh, I got a call that Scarlett had done well and was ready to go home. I was sitting in the vet school parking lot when I got the call...waiting. I went inside and was taken back to Exam Room 4 this time. Dr. G. came in and explained what was found. She had the majority of her teeth including three front teeth, her canine, and several pre-molars removed from the left side of her mouth. Also removed was the cyst. He went over the discharge instructions and which pills to give when. I asked more questions which are all a blur now. It was time to go home...The entourage of vets helped Scarlett to the car aiding her hind end with a towel looped through her legs. She slept all the way home.

She seems to be doing well. I think she's glad to be home. She ate some canned food for dinner and then retreated back to her spot on her blanket where she currently sleeps as I write. We love you, Miss Scarlett and hope you get well soon.

So, as I write this, my heart is filled with absolute gratitude. I am so thankful to God and Bandit for watching over my dear little Scarlett and granting our family more time with her. I am thankful for the warnings they sent me to slow down and appreciate things like taking a walk on a beautiful day. Let the dishes sit in the sink, let the laundry lay on the floor, and let the chores of daily life sit for awhile...they will always be there still tomorrow...but some of the most beautiful, precious lives in this world, may not. So, my lessons for today...be thankful. Enjoy what you have. Take time out. Put "walking the dog" before #1 on today's to-do list...and then do it. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Clearly...God heard every one of you. Thank you.

Scarlett...

2009-04-15T21:33:00.003-04:00

So, the vet called today...I've cried an ocean.

The pathology results were "inconclusive" as there was not enough sample of bone. Of course the world "inconclusive" immediately screamed "IT'S NOT CANCER" to my ears. However, after a long talk with the vet, with me lobbing out all my internet doggie health site search results on the possibilities, it looks like all signs are pointing in a not so great direction. But, since the results were "inconclusive", that's exactly where we are..."inconclusive".

I hate this word. Inconclusive. I want answers...

So, we sit tight tonight. Give my dog a bone and lots of extra wet-teared hugs. Never thought I would be dealing with this just a month after saying good-bye to Bandit.

Waiting...

...please send tissues...

Scarlett...Sick with Worry.

2009-04-15T05:25:00.002-04:00

Up and down...Up and Down...My roller coaster. Sometimes I just want to hand someone a wrench, declare it broken, and say "work on this for a bit, I'll be right back".

So, the latest. Took our beloved Scarlett to the vet on Monday for what I originally thought was a bug bite down at the beach. Then, after reading on the Internet, decided it might be a possible tooth abscess so requested antibiotics just in case, because it would be several days before I could get her home to the vet. Eating fine. Drinking fine. All is fine.

Long story short...took x-rays of her mouth and she has a large growth in her jaw. Yes...growth...Yes...large. Not good...

Took biopsy and am awaiting pathology results in next few days. I am sick with worry.

NO! Bandit, you can't have her yet. I know you want her to come run and play with you and show off your new running legs in Dog Heaven, but please leave Scarlett here for me awhile longer. I really need her...

Saying prayers.

Where's Audra?

2009-04-09T08:04:00.004-04:00

Somewhere. Somehow. I got lost.

Well, with little detective work I can super-sleuth out the "somewhere"...Somewhere between birth and now. The somehow is a little more tricky.

I think between being pulled 50 different directions going 900 miles an hour ALL the time its pretty easy to lose oneself. I feel like I'm on a crazy Merry-go-Round that has suffered severe mechanical malfunctions and is whirring around so fast that people who are watching me are just crossing themselves and wishing me luck.
But, not to worry. It took a simple change of scenery, some good wine, and some great laughs to slow the whole ride down. I lost my priorities along the way. Now, I see them, since the Merry-Go-Round is back closer to its original doo-de-doo, up and down, merry ride. It's still a little faster than I'd like it to go, but much more manageable. I'd like to slow it enough to hop off for a few minutes and rest my spinning head. But, first things first.
So, with the "new found Audra", I have some things to change. I'm sure I will post these in another blog entry, but right now, I have about a 3 minute window to catch a shower, which I better catch today, or the beautiful spring flowers will start wilting, and yes...its that bad.
So, welcome back...ME. And be looking for great things coming from my direction!

My Life Steps...Do not try this.

2009-03-19T06:50:00.005-04:00

Please do not try this. These are very important steps. If you try to complicate them, change them, or reorder them, then disaster will be imminent.

Step 1: Wake up 6am

Step 2: Let out dog

Step 3: Make large pot of coffee.

Step 4: Feed dog.

Step 5: Feed kids.

Step 6: Pack lunches

Step 7: Dress kids (also includes changing diapers)

Step 8: Chase kids to car.

Step 9: Take kids to school.

Step 10: The only allowable varied step. Sub-steps include grocery shopping, dry clean picking up, or other errand running, or straight home to clean.

Step 11: Pick kids up from school.

Step 12: Feed kids lunch

Step 13: Read to kids

Step 14: Put one kid down for nap.

Step 15: Play

Step 16: Do dishes leftover from breakfast and laundry piled up.

Step 17: Shuttle to afternoon activities.

Step 18: Feed kids dinner.

Step 19: Give kids bath.

Step 20: Put kids to bed.

Step 21: Feed dog.

Step 22: Let dog out.

Step 23: Go to bed.

Step 24: Repeat...from step 1.

Occasional optional allowable steps: Step 4a: shower (only required after 3 full days have lapsed). Step 11a: Stop at McDonald's first. And not more than 2 times a month per every 2 months Step 21a: board meetings for volunteer activities and Step 21b: Book club evening out with girls.

Required non-stop additional steps: Step 1a-21b: Play Star-Wars.

Do not try this at home. I am a professional.

Good-Bye

2009-03-11T21:12:00.005-04:00

Hands down today was one of the hardest days in my life. Today, Wilson felt like it was 5000 miles from Rocky Mount. The drive with Bandit was sad and beautiful at the same time. He stuck his head out the window and let his jowls flap in the wind for the last time. I turned around in my seat and watched his boxer slobber dirty up my windows and I didn't care. Just seeing his eyes slant against the wind was one of the most beautiful sights.

We fed him pieces of steak on the way. He licked his chops after each piece and awaited the next. We got to the vet and Jason and I were able to be with him through to the end.

I worry for Scarlett. She's never know life without him. Come to think of it, Jason and I have hardly known our life together without him too. I can still picture the day we got in the car after excessive research by me on the breed and breeder, and Jason turned to me and said we can't just go "look at" puppies. Was I prepared to come home with a dog?..We were newlyweds married only 6 months. We will celebrate 10 years this August. A lifetime...

I will miss Bandit so much. It's hard to sit here and type and not look over to see him passed out on the couch. The tears still come...but time will heal.

I got a few cards today that made may heart soar. For those of you who have been down this road before us, thank you for offering your comforting words. Believe me...they have meant the world...

As everything else, time will heal this tender wound. I was just so thankful to come home to a faceful of wet kisses from Scarlett. We will give her extra hugs and kisses and keep her close for we are so thankful she is in our life.

For those of you who haven't walked this road...eventually the time will come. I will not lie. It is awful. So, hug your dogs. Give them bones. Love on them like there is no tomorrow. Because it comes much faster than you can ever imagine...and we enjoyed a full life with our Bandit.

Run, Bandit, Run. Enjoy yourself. Frolic and jump...and be sure to do laps so fast your belly drags the ground. I love you and will miss you terribly. You were the perfect dog. God Bless my old friend.

I love you...

Tears...

2009-03-10T19:19:00.004-04:00

I am so sad...Tomorrow we will say good-bye to our beloved Bandit. I can hardly keep it together. Normally, I have wit and humor pouring from me...but tonight its just tears...It's been a short nine years...

I am so thankful for the healthy, happy, romping, years Bandit has given our family. What a joyful dog. I will miss him so much. I will need such strength tomorrow...

It will be so hard to say good-bye...

I love you, Bandit. Thank you for always understanding me and never judging me. Thank you for always offering your wet nose and kisses to lick away my tears and your strong shoulder to lean on. You are a beautiful dog. I will cherish our special memories. May you now be able to run without stumbling, get up without falling, and be free from your physical frustrations. I look forward to running with you again someday...

May your crossing over the Rainbow Bridge be with only comfort and knowing how much you are loved and how much you will be missed...

I love you...

Thankful Not Taking a Ride on The Vomit Comet

2009-03-03T22:51:00.003-05:00

Ooooooooooooooooooo...there is nothing worse in the whole wide world than the dreaded vomiting virus. It is so awful, words (thankfully), can't fully describe the full horror of the illness. I just want to send out a broth-filled, bland diet, hello to my friends who have contacted this terrible sickness...and PLEASE...keep it to yourselves! I have no problem dropping off cases of Lysol to your homes...You know who you are...take care and see you in a few weeks! ; ) Get well soon my sickie friends...YUCK!

Boy Scouts (and mommies) Say Always Be Prepared

2009-02-27T05:20:00.004-05:00

Be prepared...I was...

Well, after months of scavenging used North Face shell jackets and Patagonia pants in miniature on ebay, trips to sporting goods stores desperate to find snow gloves, and paying shipping from faraway stores in Montana (where it actually snows in February and the stores still stock these items...unlike here where the bikinis are already dismally displaying themselves front and center on the racks), I was ready to goto the mountains this weekend. Emerson looked so cute in his ski outfit complete with his NF shell and his Obermeyer insulated (which I proudly esniped at the last minute) jackets - you know in case it was 18 degrees or 50 degress he was all set.

Dalton luckily was able to squeeze into some old hand-me-downs and except for the fact he looked like a bad patchwork quilt, everything was covered and fit for the most part (poor second born). While his brother looks like a kid model for REI, he looks like a ski school dropout. Anyway, the important thing is, we were ready!

Now, for anyone that packs for more than oneself, and double this if there are any females involved (time and volume), packing for a winter trip takes minimum a full day. There's at least five lists involved here...1) clothes to pack 2) essentials to pack close by (ie diapers, cups, etc). 3) entertainment (including adding new playlist to ipod, buying new movies for car, testing DVD players, spending 30 minutes looking for the right cords) 4) other essentials (cameras, battery chargers, phone chargers, cell phones) 5) leaving home list (call animal sitter, etc), and 6) honey-do list. Now, remember, all of these tasks need to be performed under a continued attack of demands from children. Plus, time out for making lunch, cleaning up spilled self-help snack I was unaware of and was ultimately crushed into the carpet by the wheels of a suitcase, rescue flushing toilets, diffuse arguments over a toy that hasn't been touched in 3 months by either child, investigate loud CRASH sound, time time-outs...and this is just naming a few. Packing for a trip is like preparing for a year end meeting. If you leave out a crucial detail, it could derail the whole thing. Now, imagine preparing for that meeting without a door on your office. Well, at least, there's Walmart for anything I might forget to pack...while a meeting...well you would just be screwed.

So, here we were. All packed. Ready...set...SICK! Aaaaaa! Nothing like a child waking with a 101 degree fever and complaining of tummy troubles. There is nothing more frightening to a mother's ears than digestive issues which more than likely will result in the dreaded vomiting virus. So, all my efforts are still, for the most part, packed in the car a day and a half later. I guess the bright side of this is it could have been worse. Vomit in a car...well, you may as well go through the car wash with the windows down...

Anyway, so we are sad we missed the Wintergreen trip. Hope all of you who went are having a great time!

Lots to say...Little time...

2009-02-20T21:52:00.002-05:00

Okay...so my post for today is read my other blog...(goto profile...then to boy crazy) because my newest soap box and crusade is to abolish the dated term "stay at home" mom. Will have something else for my general bloggies soon. ; )

Where or Where?

2009-02-12T21:22:00.002-05:00

Where in the hell is the DELETE button??? My personal puzzle...

Economic Crisis Plan

2009-02-09T07:03:00.008-05:00

Huh hmmm...(clearing throat and stepping on soap box)...I can single-handedly solve this whole financial crisis right now.

So, we have what I call a real "teething diaper" mess on our hands. A bunch of mumbo jumbo politicians trying to remember which hand to shake with and which one to wipe with, and just hope and pray they don't get them mixed up. There's so much finger pointing and back stabbing that - like a screaming toddler that belongs to you - you just tune it out and painfully wait it out until the end. So, let's take a look at this. We are in a recession. What does that mean? Basically, our economy is in swirl of water in the toilet. we're spinning around chasing tails and going down at the same time (to the sea of shit ultimately). So, how do we fix this? Well, the politicians think if you throw a big you-know-what in there (ie this "stimulus package") it will stop the swirling - which it will, but you all know what things look like when that happens. The panic immediately sets in as the swirl of water starts coming back up at you. You immidately fall to your knees to turn the emergency water shut off. Then its time to roll up your sleeves and pull out the plunger and the mop. So, while the "stimulus package" may stop the downward water swirl, it will ultimately look pretty for only a nanosecond before changing direction which only creates a whole set of new, bigger, problems.

My plan is more like calling a plumber in to just fix it in the first place. Enter...women.

What do we need to kick start the economy? Spenders. Who should the government give a stimulus to? Women. Simple math...A+B=C. Women will spend the money given to them, thus stimulating the economy. Ta da!

Clearly, my plan requires some tweaking, but let me sum it up like this. I would love the government to send me a check requiring me to go out and by some Prada's (which for the record I've never owned but would be fun to say I did someday) to save our country's economy.

You can make a contribution to my campaign when I announce my candidacy...

Wishing I Could Do SOMETHING Right

2009-02-03T17:17:00.002-05:00

Well...I guess the title of this post pretty much said it all. That's all folks!

Crazy Dreams

2009-01-29T14:03:00.004-05:00

So, last night I had a this crazy vivid dream...I was with my bff (the one who claims never to have read my blog...maybe this will be some inspiration). Anyway, said bff asked me if I wanted to go shopping for cake batter. Before my brain could process her invitation, my sweet tooth had already said yes. So, she comes and picks me up in a little pod car. Literally, this thing looked like a hard boiled egg rolling down my driveway. I squeezed in the pod car cartoon style and off we went. Next thing I knew we were off in a great big horsiecopter (yes, that would be a helicopter fitted for horses to be on board too complete with personal stall staterooms - think Titanic with an overhead rudder - not quite sure how this transition took place). I was concerned about where this cake batter shopping spree was taking me. Next thing I knew, MO bff said to me thank goodness we got the extra weight allowance added to this bird so the big horse could come. Clearly there was some sort of standard weight limit we were exceeding with the new BIG horse. (I never said this would make sense...or maybe its some "you need to lose weight" subliminal message). We got to our destination (which for the record resembled a big city like...Raleigh or Greenville) and I was so overly distracted by the fact that I hadn't packed an overnight bag that I totally missed the cake batter shopping spree and the horse thingamabob. So, I guess it just goes to show that I'm overly obsessed with going someplace that I'm missing the journey I'm on...and maybe need a smaller, more environmentally friendly, car...okay, maybe not on that one.

Recent Travels

2009-01-16T19:31:00.004-05:00

Why is it when I have two children, a 100 lb car seat, a dinosaur stroller (big and bulky and yes, that old), a diaper bag, a travel bag, dvd players, snacks, games, and a whole bunch of other crap to get from point A to point B, travel doesn't go very smoothly? For instance, summer of 07 I took my sweet kids (ages 3 and 9 months) to Seattle. This idea, in itself, can make the faint of heart turn white and collapse. However, I, with my good idea jeans on, decided to go forth. Long story short, we got delayed for 4 hours in Raleigh - 2 at the gate and 2 on the tarmac in a 90 degree plane. After all that, flight ended up being canceled, spent the night at a hotel in Raleigh because it wasn't worth the trek home with all our gear only to turn around again 6 hours later. Next day, got up and got to Seattle (I made that sound MUCH easier than it actually was). On the return trip, bad weather got us rerouted to Tulsa to sit and wait out thunderstorms in Dallas. By the time we got to Dallas, missed connection and last leg was so overbooked it wasn't even worth trying. So, again, hotel room. Nightmare travel for anyone... So, coming full circle with my story...I just got back from a quick weekend trip to Seattle to meet my fabulous new nephew Leandro...I traveled by myself. I had a small carryon with a book, couple of magazines, a sweater, and a snack (you know, in case I got stuck anywhere for extended amounts of time). My bag neatly fit under the seat in front of me with room to spare for my feet. I ordered a drink. Got to sip it while reading my book instead of slugging it down praying I could finish it before it was toppled over by a flailing baby hand. I small talked with my neighbors instead of apologizing. I got to use the bathroom with the door closed and locked because I didn't have to worry about fitting three people in a cramped space. I got to eat my entire snack and didn't even have to give up the KitKat to puppy eyes. I got to watch - as bad as it was - the inflight movie all the way through! I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep just because it felt so good and...I could. It was a wonderful, relaxing, travel experience. I don't know though...nothing beats watching the wonder and excitement of a child on an airplane...okay, maybe some peace and quiet and a drink with a good book, might beat that out, but only by a slight margin of course.

Had a great trip! Cheers to Michael and Cassia for making Jason and I such a fabulous, adorable, GOOD SLEEPER, nephew! He's a sweetie. Enjoy...before Dalton gets his hands on him. ; )

As if one wasn't enough...

2009-01-09T09:43:00.000-05:00

So, since my life goes 500 different directions all the time, I figured...why not add a new blog? Okay, so here's my thinking...one is all about me. One is all about the other me...the mom me. ; ) Check it out at www.boycrazymommy.blogspot.com ; )

Happy New Year 2009!

2009-01-06T22:04:00.000-05:00

Well, what a blur life has been since my last post. Thanksgiving all the way through New Years. So, much happened between Santa coming down the chimney and gobbling up his non-marshmellow cookies (because for the record, Santa DOES NOT like Christmas tree shaped marshmellows stuck in the frosting of his sugar cookie), to celebrating the birth of Jesus, to wallowing with family after some fabulous meals, and toasting many, many times to family, friends and the Holiday Season. And, of course, Lee turning...well...put it this way, it was an age that prompted a rocking party up at the hoppin' spot in SH.

So, here we are...2009. Really, where does the time go? Sadly, I almost didn't make to midnight on New Years. I made the fatal mistake of getting a little too festive a little too early which landed me on the couch adding another head for the babysitter to take care of (I think I was #10) at around 11:15. Long story short, I not only made it to midnight to bring in the new year, but I also was able to perform with my kick ass band the VP's! I know our style was not for everyone that evening, but then again, not everyone loves Ozzy now do they? So, blah, blah, blah, here we are in the new year.

So, now, y'all are caught up.

Happy New Year. May it be a good one.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-24T21:20:00.000-05:00

So, I can't believe its already time for Tom Turkey to realize someone is going to take his donor card literally. Wow. Thanksgiving already. This truly is my favorite holiday. It's even better when you're pregnant (no, for the record, I am NOT), when you get to eat all you can, and have those not-so-flattering-but-noone-cares tummy panel pants. There's nothing better than over stuffing oneself with Thanksgiving trimmings and then have the tummy panel that allows even more room than you ever thought possible. Yes, I realize they DO make these types of garments in a non-maternity fashion, but I hope never to put upon my body. I'm thinking a dress might be the way to go this year. Not so great for chasing toddlers but you have to make sacrifices somewhere right? So, in true style of the Thanksgiving holiday, I am thankful for my health, my family, and my abilities and talents. I am also thankful for mothers, fathers and children. I am thankful for doggies and horses, and cats only if they eat mice. I am thankful for brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and cousins and Leandro and cousins. Grandparents are great too especially if they change dirty diapers. I am thankful for babysitters. I am thankful for my friends especially if they read my blog. I'm very thankful for my devout bloggies...thanks for reading my crap. Lots to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day! ...I need a hug... ; )

Scissors should be BANNED from certain hands...

2008-11-11T19:24:00.000-05:00

I am so seething mad today I can hardly stand it. I'm probably more upset at me for allowing myself to get pressured into a bad situation that I will clearly regret for at least 6 months (or however long it takes to regrow inches off a child's sweet head of hair). Some people should be banned from handling scissors and/or clippers when a male child under the age of 5 is involved. These people specifically have a red and blue striped pole twirling outside their place of business. They should be required to place a disclaimer outside their shop stating that they are "mother approved" for the first haircut ONLY which basically consists of just lobbing off that one little curl to wrap in cellophane and place in the baby book for eternity, that could be performed at home but because it is a boy it needs to be performed in a daddy approved man place like a barber shop. After that, barber shops should be required to turn away any child who is under 5...unless they are dressed in camo from head to toe and sporting a rifle over their shoulder complete with a spit tobacco swollen lip...Only then should a barber be allowed to rev up his clippers (because ONE its a given lifetime high and tight, and TWO his mom clearly is not dressing him in coveralls and planning to take his Christmas card picture any time soon.) So, my poor baby looks like crap. I hate his hair. I cried today over lost babyhood. It was pitiful. My older son asked me if I was done crying and (clearly preparing him for husbandhood later on in life) I told him NO, I needed to cry over D's terrible haircut some more. So, here's my lesson I learned today and the one I pass on to all my fellow bloggies. DO NOT let anyone who is associated with a barber shop come anywhere near your baby unless you are prepared for all those sweet locks to be lopped off without a care in the world. It truly is heartbreaking...and horrible...I wish it had been my head. : ( Be warned. ; )

Welcome Leandro!!!

2008-11-05T06:54:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the world Leandro Wilson Carpenter! Born on election day. Congrats to my brother and Cassia on their new bundle of joy (trust me, that phrase only lasts while you are on your exhaustion high and you can send the baby to the nursery and you have an army nurses at the tip of your call button finger to help you...) In all seriousness, congrats! And can't wait to meet the little guy. Emerson is already putting together a pile of inappropriate toys he wants Leandro to play with when they meet. ; ) And just for the record, you can all thank little Leandro this morning because my fingers were so warmed up to blog about this election... : )

VOTE TODAY!

2008-11-04T15:50:00.000-05:00

Okay. I have so much to say on this topic I would crash the entire Internet world if I said everything I would like to say (never mind not leave my house for a decade or two which would just be a shame to the world in itself). Anyway, I'm all about voting. Shame on everyone who doesn't vote that can. However, the process just down right sucks. I totally blame the media (who doesn't). Why is it we can put a man on the moon, but we have the most f-ed up, archaic, ballot casting methods known to man (and woman)? So, since it's election day, and I clearly appear to be stepping up onto my soap box...well, I'm up, so here goes.

If I could change the political process voting for President of the United States, this is how it would work. Think a little "Miss America" here minus the swim suit portion (yes, talent would be included).
1) 365 days before the election (so Nov. 4, 2007 for this election), each state goes to the polls and votes for their state Presidential candidate. That gives us 50 candidates.
2) Immediately, each candidate will participate in a regional debate divided by time zone (ha! there's a concept...) and elect a regional Presidential candidate. This will quickly get us down to 4 candidates (Alaska and Hawaii would be included with PST - see I've thought this through). Yes, they could all be R's or all D's or all independents. These 4 candidates can spend the rest of the year campaigning, advertising, etc. all the usual junk.
3) ON ELECTION DAY - yes folks, that's DAY is in singular (minus military and absentee), we ALL goto vote. No more early voting. ALL polls are open at 6am EST (yes, that's an early morning for you west coaster volunteers) and ALL polls close at 9PM PST (yes, that's midnight - or 11:59 to keep it to one day for you east coasters). No precincts can report diddly until the stroke of midnight EST. (Including the media who won't have a clue what's going on and might actually have to report on other news besides who they think has already won by 9AM in the morning!!!!)
4) AT THE POLLS - Each voter will be required to take a short 5 question quiz such as who are the Presidential candidates, where is the White House, and other basic knowledge questions PRIOR TO VOTING. If you do not pass the quiz, you cannot vote. It's that simple. If you are too stupid to know what you are voting for, you shouldn't be allowed the privilege....period...

So, to wrap it up...What this will do...1) We all vote at the same time. There's no rolling across the country so Washingtonians think they don't need to vote because the election is over before their morning alarm clock even goes off. 2) Do away with this let's vote for the best of the worst which seems to be the case sometimes. We all get to vote in multiple mini elections. 3) This will do away with the Caucasus and other crap that noone really knows what they are anyway but big rally events and why is Iowa so lucky?

That's about it. Support me and my "Audra Plan" to reform the political process in this country. But, more importantly, be sure to vote today.

Oh, and please feel free to forward my plan to Obama and McCain. ; )

I didn't turn into a Pumpkin...

2008-10-27T21:04:00.001-04:00

I haven't been abducted by aliens, nor have I turned into a pumpkin...Just been a little busy. Wow, it's been awhile since my last post. I hadn't realized how long it had been. It's really the fault of facebook anyway. Kind of found myself in little banters back and forth and spent all my insomniac hours pitzing around in there. Clearly, I should have been blessing all my devoted bloggies (not sure the technical term for my groupies) with my words of wisdom. So, let's see, since my last post I took the kids to Seattle (this in itself deserves its own post, but since so much time has lapsed, we'll let it go), threw a fabulous masquerade ball party (that a few of my bloggies missed), and spent an entire weekend pretty much drunk as we celebrated my husbands 20 year high school reunion. Hats off to my BFF (and husband) who threw an awesome (see my 80's lingo thrown in here) party. Usually, when I attend a party, I peeter out around midnight. Yes, I do see the correlation between myself and Cinderella. I was having a great time when the acoustic player said his good nights. I thought to myself, we'll that sucks, he's done so early (thinking it had to be pre-midnight since I hadn't started turning into a pumpkin yet). When I looked at my watch I couldn't believe it was after 2am. Whoo-hoo! Maybe I'm not so old after all! It took us another hour to catch a cab home which basically consisted of me pacing, my husband watching, our friend J squishing his wife M as he snored face down pinning her into a chair while she shrugged and asked if we could just leave him and pick him up in the morning. Cab came, got home, paid sitter an exorbitant amount of money (part of it being bribe money to please return and watch the children again), got in bed and fell asleep for about 3 hours before the little people that live in our house were up and at 'em. Thank goodness Sonic serves cheeseburgers, onion rings, fries, and giant 44 oz cokes in the morning! All in all, great times these last few weeks, and I really will try to post more often now that I know my bloggies miss me!

I'm Back...

2008-09-25T23:33:00.001-04:00

So much to write. I was swept up in Seattledom for 2 weeks. This means I only got minimal use of the computer for short spurts when my sweet sister-in-law was not online shopping for the latest in baby gear. (Go for the Bugaboo. You'll look cool at U-Village...)

So, more about that later...but just wanted to let all you faithful blog followers out there to know that I'm back and to expect regular posts again. ; )

Picture totally unrelated to post but isn't my Bandit dog cute? He's a love...

Love Hannah...don't love Hanna....

2008-09-05T22:28:00.001-04:00

So, I'm pretty pissed off about this tropical mess named Hanna that is coming to visit tonight. I know, I know, be thankful she's not a swirling, angry, mommy-type, with a big "5" next to her name. But, all things equal, she's messed things up pretty good for me.

I was supposed to show my horse at my FIRST EVER first level dressage test tomorrow. Well, clearly, that has been canceled. And since I couldn't seem to find water wings that would fit my horse at the local Wal-Mart we couldn't go anyway. Instead, I am going to be holed up with three testosterone infused beings in a house while the deluge goes on outside. The walls will start closing in. All of a sudden our home will feel like a 50 square foot box with a locked lid. Anyway, I just want to be clear that while I'm definately not a fan of "Hanna", I am a big fan of "Hannah" as she is my fabulous niece.

One other note tonight. As bad as the reviews were, the new Star Wars movie is pretty cool. In fact, I totally recommend seeing it. If you decide to, I have the perfect companion for you. He's about 4 feet tall and the last show he can really handle is the 5:00. But, he will share is popcorn which is an added bonus. ; )

Boxed Wine

2008-09-03T19:24:00.000-04:00

For any of you who have not discovered boxed wine, you have not fully lived. This, next to the round wheel, is probably one of the best inventions the world as ever seen. I remember when I discreetly put my first box in my cart at Target. I placed it in the cart and then quickly mounded loaves of bread, pillows, clothing, and toys I didn't need, around it. I was praying I wouldn't run into anyone I knew at the dreadfully slow checkout. Thank goodness there was no "price check on boxed wine" announcement. I definitely would have covered my face and run out, leaving my cart and a confused cashier behind. Its like buying your first box of tampons or pregnancy test.

Now, opening a box of wine is very different than opening a bottle. To the novice boxer, it can be a bit intimidating as you don't want to mess up 4 bottles worth of succulent burgundy liquid (or pale yellow, depending on your poison). I think it took me over five minutes of reading and re-reading the instructions. Poke hole. Push in. Throw away dot. Don't throw away mouse hole piece or tear off. Pull out spigot. Close mouse hole piece over spigot. Tear off miniature foil covering opening. Grab glass. Place under spigot. Push lever and watch liquid pore in. Ta-da!

Now, once you have consumed whats about four bottles of wine (this of course depends on the box size, but who wastes time on itty bitty boxes. Boxed wine is for the serious wine drinker. Proceed with caution of you "dabble" in Boone's Farm or wine coolers. This could be dangerous territory for you.) the box will appear empty. You might hold your glass under the spigot and mash down with all your might on the button only to have a small trickle come out. This is when things get serious. You now must rip open the top of the box and proceed to "milk" the bag. This will get you a whole glass of wine thus instantly curing the building rage and putting you in a happy state.

I am now a box aficionado. It takes me less than 3 seconds to pop out the hole, pull out the spigot, return the mouse hole, remove the foil, pour, and sip. I proudly place the box in my cart even at the high end stores. If I could order the box at a restaurant, I probably would. Okay, probably not, but its pretty good. Embrace the box!

Letter Missing from the Alphabet!!!! ZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

2008-09-02T05:06:00.000-04:00

Okay, so "they" say it takes the average person about 7 minutes to fall asleep. What do "they" say about 7 hours? Here's my story: I officially closed my book and turned off the light at 10pm. Tossed and turned, got up, went to couch, read a bit, turned off light, got hot, got up, turned down a/c, back on couch, couldn't get comfortable, went to bathroom, got back in bed, laid there some more, light mysteriously turned on at 4:12, Dalton cried out at 4:23, got back up, window shopped on ebay for an hour, and now I'm writing in my blog (its 5:09am) just to get to first light so I can finally have this night over! Why can't I SLEEP? Now I'm going to spend my day feeling hung over and miserable because my brain didn't quite get the message that it was time to shut down and be quiet. Is this the start of insanity? (no comments from the peanut gallery please) Anyway, to all you people out there that border on narcolepsy and can pass out and enter REM with the TV blaring, I think you need to bow down to the sleep gods and be thankful you can enjoy those beautiful zzzzz's. Clearly, my alphabet has been cut to 25 letters as my zzzzz's are all lost. Hopefully, with a little help from Rite Aid OTC's, I may be able to find them again. ugh! It's now 5:16. I think I will make myself a pot of coffee and throw my riding clothes on and go wake up my horse. What time does it get light anyway?...

Called to the BLOG

2008-08-31T21:23:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I don't have anything exciting to say today, but I did have a friend tell me that I need to post more (you know who you are melon-baller), so clearly this post is about quantity rather than quality. Well, I take that back because its a given that any words that pass from my fingers to the keyboard are nothing but quality. So, here's quality served up in quantity. There...that sounds better.
So, it's September tomorrow and Labor Day. The official end of summer. While some of you pull out your hankies to dry your tears, I will gladly wave my fall leaf flag. NO MORE BATHING SUITS! No more sucking it in! (Well, noticeably anyway...) It's time for jeans with big sweaters to hide muffin tops. I can finally get the chisel out to get off the 40 layers of nail polish on my toes. My peds can hide under socks and Danskos until next year. Brisk mornings. Hot steaming coffee. Soup. So, here's my farewell to the hot humid days and welcome...welcome...my FALL. Of course until I get sick of the cold, rain, cold hands, cold car, cold seats in my car until the seat warmers start working, cold fingers on children that find their way under the layers to my warm skin, cold baby noses that never stop running, flu, vomiting virus, contagious anything, being cramped up in the house because its too cold to do anything, cold dogs with wet muddy feet, did I say vomiting virus?...by the way...is it summer yet?

Happy Birthday to my BRO

2008-08-29T21:33:00.000-04:00

So, I'm sending a public shout-out to my bigger, older, graying, soon-to-be-daddy which coorelates to that much closer to grandfather-dom, brother. Happy Birthday! So, with my well wishes being sent, I will now relish in my youth and the fact that I will always be younger than you. True, you can now round my age up to 40 as well, but that's only if you're good at math. Most people would probably round down to 30, and of course, after taking a look at me it would just be a crime to round to 40.

With all kidding aside, HAPPY B-DAY, and enjoy your beer and staying up past 10 o'clock and sleeping longer than 3 hours at a time, because your next "birth"day (which is the one you'll be witnessing) will most likely include plastic bottles instead of glass and staying up all hours of the night will have a totally new meaning.

Enjoy your last "solo" birthday. I love you, bro! ; )

PS - here's a piece of cake for you...

Survey...

2008-08-29T21:30:00.000-04:00

Raise your hand if you think I'm boring and no fun to be around...okay, never mind, put your hands down. ; )

My fabulous HORSE

2008-08-18T20:31:00.001-04:00

So, this is where I talk about how FABULOUS my pony is. As most of you know, well, if you are in any why connected to me at all and have been ALIVE for the last 2 years, you know about my sweet little Ana. Sweet, wonderful, Trak, mare. I know, I know, this is such a different tune than I whistled 3 years ago when some of you will quote me as saying that mares were only good for creating great geldings. Such crap obviously. My mare is the sweetest thing. If she could come inside and curl up at the foot of the bed like the dogs, she would. I am so excited to show her at our first dressage event coming up early Sept. Don't worry, you will all get an ear/page full when that happens. Watch out Olympics 2050...okay, so we can dream...

hmm...where am I?

2008-08-15T21:19:00.000-04:00

So, this is going to be a short entry. Partly is because I'm tired. Other partly because...well, I'm just friggin' tired. So, what's new...Okay, here's a short story...So, the other night Emerson decided he just wasn't going to sleep. I put him back in his bed what felt like 1000 times (and I really think that number is not too far off.) Finally, after pulling the "mama, I neeeeeeed you. Mama, I want yoooouuuuuuu." routine (it was the mama, I need yoouuuu that got me...plus tears helped...) I threw him in the bed with me and figured he would probably fall asleep before daddy got home from the gym and could then do the seamless transfer that can only occur after the onset of full on REM. Well, being the Olympics addicts we are, men's gymnastics was on. The Chinese team was doing their floor routine (which WHY don't they get music too like the women?) and Emerson was watching despite my warnings of goto sleep or else (but being an addict myself, just couldn't turn it off). Anyway, after a few minutes, Emerson slips out of the bed and disappears. I sighed and snuggled down into my blankets to savor my few minutes of peace and quiet. Then, I hear a THUMP THUMP! What is that!!!!???? I look over the foot of the bed and there is Emerson jumping and rolling around out of control. What's wrong?! Mama, I'm practicing. I want to do that! So, long story short, Emerson wants to be the next world class male gymnast and is even signed up with his best friend, Connor, to take tumbling this fall. I know you are all smiling as you read this thinking, "how cute", but J and I will be laughing all the way to the bank when Nike and whoever else is going to endorse Nastia (go USA!) and Shawn (we'll take it from here girls in a few years) sign Emerson and he then signs all his checks over to his loving parents because we believed in him one August night in 2008 when he was hopping around our bedroom like a jumping bean with hot salsa in his pants. So, here's to believing in your children and yourself...Here's to BIG dreams...and sweet dreams...

JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING

2008-08-11T08:44:00.000-04:00

No words can ever describe this trip...but I will do my best. I'll start by saying if you (and I'm probably talking the whole two of you that actually read this blog...) ever get a chance to get out to Jackson Hole...DO IT! Beautiful! So, here's the story... or at least what I'm willing to tell of it. ; ) Got up at the crack of dawn to catch our Delta flight. I tried to cram as much hot summer/cool fall type clothes into my one, under 50 pound, bag that I was allotted. Thankfully I wasn't planning on skiing or snowshoeing as I would have either had to wear my parka and pants on board the plane or pay the extra $1000 for a second bag. Got everything in and weighed in on my bathroom scale which came up to 47lbs. Figured a three pound error should be okay. I was hoping I didn't "adjust" the zero on the scale more than 3 lbs...So, off we go at 5:30 AM. I was so proud of myself for seemingly having it together and being on time. That is until we were about 20 minutes into our trip when I realized I had left my sparkling clean (which is why they were off my hand) rings on the bathroom counter...We had to turn around...Thankfully we had a small extra pillow of time due to my togetherness and a small misreading of the departure time on the itinerary. We got turned around, rushed home, picked up rocks, and got back on the road. Got to the airport, J took car to Egypt, limped through security, and made it to our gate. Got on plane, changed in Salt Lake, and arrived in JH (that'd be Jackson Hole) with no trouble. Stayed at a beautiful home just outside of town. I will call our group "the Hole Pack" which consisted of J&A, L&T, D&M, and B&J. Whew! We made it...

Day 1 - Jackson Hole

2008-08-11T08:43:00.001-04:00

Day 1: Arrived at our home away from home in complete style being chauffeured in a black suv and black sedan by the russians. Very Hollywood. Bedrooms were already assigned so after a quick survey of the grounds we dumped our bags and then reconvened for a "wooohooo" cocktail. Our roles on this trip quickly became apparent. Within the hour D & I were off to the corner grocery to stock up on much needed supplies. We were just getting the basics...you know, beer, wine, lettuce, chips, bacon, tape, etc. and for over an hour we stuffed all kinds of things into two carts as we wondered aimlessly around. Note to group: D & Audra not allowed to grocery shop together again. Gone for long time and spent lots of money. But, we figured we'd put our time in early and next time it was someone elses turn. Got carload full of supplies home and unpacked. Next...let's go into town! We were about a 10 minute car ride away from downtown Jackson. We went for a burger at the Silver Dollar bar and then wandered over to the Cadillac. Digestive and heartburn issues seemed to make their way around our group and the first one under attack was T. Her tight corset shirt didn't seem to be helping her issue, so as the good...I mean unbelievably good...friend I am I offered to switch with her so she could wear my loose, comfy, black shirt. Into the bathroom we go and switched. Thankfully we were in a bar and I was able to request some bacon grease to help squeeze me into the thing. No wonder she had heartburn! I am happy to report it was a size 2, so was worth not being able to breath just to say that. J had gone to get heartburn relief at the nearest store which was forever away and by the time he returned, he was overheated and feeling bad. So, we all laid down in the park for a quick rest before participating in some tight rope walking. Then, home we went. Can't remember what we did for dinner this night.

Day 2 - Jackson Hole

2008-08-11T08:41:00.001-04:00

Day 2 (Sunday): Spent about 3 hours in the morning, sucking down three pots of coffee with REAL cream (thankfully one woman went on the grocery store run), trying to figure out what to do. Ended up going to a lunch back at the Cadillac where the world shrank really fast. The hostess asked where we were from, and when we answered NC, she said her too. When asked where, she answered Rocky Mount. Ha! What a small world. Our lunch seemed to go on and on and on...and on. Finally, after a few hours, we were set free. Off to go rent bicycles. We rode for miles in the heat through the Elk Refuge which was really neat. Didn't see any elk or any signs of elk, and even started to wonder if they didn't just say "Elk Refuge" just to get tourists to keep the dirt rode traveled, but we did see a coyote, a prairie dog, and some sort of bird of prey (hopefully not thinking "snack"). After riding, we went back home to get ready for our big dinner out at the SRG which was supposed to be out of this world. Of course I had a major clothing crisis but thankfully T was able to return the wardrobe favor by lending me a comfy red dress. Got to the restaurant, ordered GREAT wine, ordered dinner, and then it was my turn on the roulette wheel of heartburn. I miserably traveled a path between my chair and the bathroom which thankfully was only about 20 feet. J left dinner to go find tagamet. I then realized I had thrown a roll of tums in my pocketbook just in case anyone got heartburn. Ha! I was saving myself! I quickly ate the roll, J returned with the tag, and in about 15 minutes was feeling much better. I came back to the table ready to finish my million dollar meal that I had taken only 3 bites of, and it was GONE! The server thought I was done. That meal should have sat and sat and grown mold from sitting so long until I WAS ASKED IF I WAS finished. Which clearly I wasn't. It's a shame to leave a good, expensive, meal hungry. Long story short, all the meats ordered were overcooked, one so badly it HAD to be sent back - well-done when med-rare was ordered. Needless to say, I was not impressed and of course they will be getting one of my unsatisfied customer letters. On a positive note, the wine was excellent...After dinner, went home for some music and drinks.

Day 3 - Jackson Hole

2008-08-11T08:40:00.000-04:00

Day 3: aaaa....SPA day. The boys and girls split up. Boys had a testosterone filled day of hiking and gondola riding. The girls went for a special treat at the spa. J and M chose facials. T had a hot stone massage, and I had an experience labeled "wrapped in stillness". More like wrapped in Heaven. Started with a exfoliating brushing of the skin which oddly enough felt good. Then more of a traditional massage with oil. After that, its a hot oil drip and then wrapped in crinkly paper. While all wrapped up, I had a full scalp massage which was awesome. After that, it was straight into the shower and then back to the lounge to rest. Once we were all finished with our services, we decided to stay all day (as you can use all the facilities) and have lunch. So, we lunched in our robes and chatted like little school girls. Life is good! Then we hopped from the steam bath, to the pool, to the lounge for a mimosa, back to the steam bath, all afternoon. Decided to eat in that night, so left Spa (I think a few tears were shed), and headed to SMITH's grocery for provisions. Got home and actually had a civilized grown up dinner with everyone seated at the table. What a wonderful day.

Day 4 - Jackson Hole

2008-08-11T08:39:00.001-04:00

Day 4: Got up and headed out to Jenny Lake in the Grand Teton National Park for a day hike. Sounded easy enough. An approximately 2 mile hike around the lake, a short hike up to Inspiration Point, and then take the boat back across the lake to end. Hike started out on a laughable, flat, paved path. This quickly ended and the dirt, root and rock exposed, winding, narrow trail began. I think this trail was really only 2 miles - the way the crow flies - and about 10 miles winding around. Needless to say, it was beautiful! We saw Hidden Falls waterfall where the temperature dropped about 10 degrees. We hiked up a very narrow path to Inspiration Point - elev. 7200. All in all, it was gorgeous. Saw a deer, tons of chipmunks, and a big bull moose. Left the Park and headed back to the house to have an afternoon cocktail and be together. Decided to head into town for B, J, and I's last night in town. Having run out of money hiring the Russians to ride us in style, we called what we should have been riding in all along. The REDNECK TAXI. Not only did we all physically fit in the van...well, we just fit in. Had trouble corralling our unorganized group and even more trouble agreeing on a place to go. Chatted with "balls" the stagecoach guy and then finally settled on the Cowboy bar (where the barstools are saddles) even though B was dragging his feet about our choice and claiming he was turning in early. D was having his own party a little ahead of the rest of us. We sat down and had a great meal of hot dogs, nachos, and cheese steaks. Live music was getting ready to start. Somehow, B told the band manager that J was best friends with some country music star. So, for the next few hours, J had to talk up his relationship and how he was doing his best to get x star to come for a guest appearance at the bar. B was getting free drinks through all of this...I'm still a little fuzzy on this whole scenario. Long story short, the band got going and so did we. Out on the dance floor for the next few hours. We even got "mama" out on the floor - a Canadian woman celebrating her 60 something b-day with her daughter. Just as it was getting late, an announcement was made that there was a special guest. I thought J had pulled off whatever they had been working on all night. Needless to say, unrelated, but Trent T came out and sang a few songs. I had never heard of him, but he was really good and sang "Purple Rain" like no other! It got late, we went home.

Day 5 - Jackson Hole

2008-08-11T08:38:00.000-04:00

Day 5: B, J and I were heading home. Spent the morning packing up and trying to restuff everything back in suitcase that clearly had shrunk. Only thing I purchased was a new pair of jeans. Anyway, got everything back in, got loaded up, and headed to airport with quick detour through town to pick up moose t-shirts for the boys. Returned rental car, checked in, held breath while bags were weighed (hooray, underweight), patiently waited in the slowest security line ever with apparantely people who have NEVER traveled before, got on our delayed plane. Made our connection in Salt Lake by the skin of our teeth. Passed by B sitting up in first class with his cocktail on our way to the low rent seats in the back, and headed back to RDU. Home safe and sound around 1am. Picked up boys from the beach next day and we were all back together.
Hole Pack - had a GREAT time in JH! Cheers to great friends and a great time!

Feeling HOT HOT HOT!

2008-08-04T21:40:00.001-04:00

Feeling HOT HOT HOT HOT...This is a song I am supposed to hum while sipping pina coladas on a white sand beach with the teal green surf lapping at my toes while a waiter quietly lowers the drink flag I raised only 2 minutes ago as he slips an ice rimmed beverage into my hand. Instead, I am singing this song as I stagger around my hot house with sweat dripping down - well, everywhere - and my children look like they have run through a sprinkler even though they haven't left the house and have been nowhere near water the the exception of the supervised hand washing. OUR AIR IS OUT! It's 97 degrees outside! People die in these kinds of conditions! Oh the horrors of it. So much for looking fresh. The only thing I have a hope to be fresh is my breath after a brushing with some Crest. But who cares because no one can get close enough to smell my breath since my clinical strength Secret can't even keep up. Anyway, thankfully just in time before the hallucinations stage sets in, help is on the way. Our A/C guy is going to rescue us. Of course, we could do without the piece of paper with dollars signs and numbers too far from the little decibel that comes with this saving, but at this point we are just thrilled A/C is coming soon! Wednesday!!! Hurrah! If the new A/C is NOT IN by some silly technicality by WEDNESDAY, I'm sure you'll read about us in the papers and see our pictures on the evening news. Just get your wallets out and please bail us out. We weren't in our right minds. By the way, air conditioning was invented in 1906 by a man named Carrier (some of you might have a Carrier). If you need to know anything about SEER numbers, Trane's, or Trains, just let me know. I may just be an expert. ; )

Is my child really playing a DS?

2008-07-15T21:16:00.000-04:00

Okay...so, like most parents who wish away babyhood, and then are sad when that wish seems to have come true...that's the "ah-ha" moment I had today. Amazing how mother nature can erase those early hospital homecoming sleep deprived horror months like they almost didn't happen. When you're in the midst of it all, having your fingernails plucked out one at a time with no pain killers, seems almost humane...and preferable to the endless crying, demanding, wailing, frustrating, wine-drinking-even-though-you're-nursing, moments that seemed to go on and on and on and on. And then one day, you find, that what used to be your baby, is now some kid playing Nintendo DS and connecting with his cousins in a lego rendition of Star Wars complete with light sabers and R2D2. What's next? I feel like I'm on a white water rafting ride that just hit the level 5 rapids. Whoooooooosh! Down I go straight towards teenager-dome and out-of-the-house-dome. Oh the horrors of it all! Okay...calm down...drink some wine...and go in and check out the sleeping little 4 year old that fell asleep "playing" the DS who can only enter world One and jump around in there a bit. Sure he can get the light sabre out and hack away at a Darth Vadar made of linking animated blocks, but he's not really "playing" it. In fact, he's now traded it in for his coveted "v" blankie that is worn so thin it could be mistaken for an ancient pre-civil war hanky, but means much more to him than a small red box with blinking lights...At least for now...Sweet dreams...holding on to babyhood just a fraction longer.

Abducted by Aliens...but back home now.

2008-06-18T21:14:00.000-04:00

Put down your pitchforks!!! I know...I know...I have totally missed days of blogging. Like your favorite TV drama when writers go on strike, it is the biggest downer when the next episode fails to emerge. And I was on such daily roll... Oh, well, I do have a good excuse. I was abducted by aliens. Little ones. It's all a little hazy. There were two of them. One was smaller and spoke an interesting language that must have a base in English because every once in a while I understood a word interwoven through the babble. The little one had crazy hair and had an awful stench. The bigger one was quiet (or maybe that just seemed the case compared to the little one who was SO loud.) They carried me away and took up so much of my time it was just impossible to get to the computer! I'm still trying to figure out why they insist on calling me "mama" and why they are still here. I do like them though. They're kind of cute! I did snap off a picture of the little one so you can all see! I was safely on the other side of the fence so he couldn't get me.

If you have to get up early...coffee would be nice!

2008-06-12T21:32:00.000-04:00

Day 4. Yes, I am writing every day. It's like getting a new toy. The novelty is still brand spankin' new, so expect posts from me daily (when I can) for at least a week of two anyway. I was starting to worry that nothing super blog-worthy happened to me today. And then I realized, I woke up and blessed this world with my presence. Okay, I didn't actually wake up. In fact, its very rare that I "wake up". It goes more like this...I was woken up at 6AM sharp by a little pair of eyes about 2 inches from mine saying "mommy? Wanna go play?" Are you kidding me? The only thing I wanna go play is "sleep marathon" or "lets see how long mommy can keep her eyes closed". Apparently they don't teach those games in pre-school... So, I tried the 'ole why don't you climb in bed with me parent trap and rest for a few minutes. How is it a 4 year old can fidget and twist around in a bed like there were mousetraps going off under the covers. Finally, after getting kicked and head-butted one too many times, I rolled out of the bed to start the day. I think I'm going to teach the 4 year old to make coffee. That way, when I get the "mommy, wanna play" before the sun rises (and believe me - its almost the summer equinox - that bright orb is rising early) I can at least smile and nod as I levitate towards the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. mmmmmmm... cheers.

WARNING! Don't order the Large Combo with Sex and the City!

2008-06-11T22:23:00.000-04:00

Day 3. Okay, I am officially getting warmed up. So, tonight a friend and I went to see Sex and the City. We met up at the bar for a sophisticated meal of sushi and cosmos pre-flick looking smart in our Minolo Blahniks, Sevens, and Geborniys. That last one is a puzzle for all you fashionistas out there. Okay, so we really did have sushi and cosmos which is super high society in an area known more for its fried chicken and bar-b-que. So, that was fun. Then we goto the theatre. I suggested the medium combo which includes a half barrel of greasy, butter soaked popcorn, a two litre size drink, and a choice of overpriced candy. However, upon studying the prices, my friend quickly noted the LARGE combo was only a dollar more so we should certainly triple our calories since we will be sitting dormant for the next two hours and then going to bed. I couldn't agree more! Financially it just made sense! So, we order our LARGE combo, gather up our 20,000 calorie snack, and head to the condiment station where we added a little salt, grabbed two wrapped straws (don't ever grab the loose straws if you can help it), and napkins.

Now, as a sidebar, my friend is a Sagittarius. I am a Gemini. My husband is a Sag, and her husband is Gem. We joke when its not a gender issue, we can usually chalk it up to the stars as far as bizarre behavior. So, when we get to the napkins, I told her I already got some. She took a look at the conservative wad in my hand and immediately grabbed more. J always thinks I skimp on napkins at the movies, and I fret over the amount of paper one can pull out of those black boxes. Kind of funny. (This comes into play later...) So, off to screen #10 we go.

Partway into the movie (and this is not a spoiler) Miranda discloses it had been 6 months since she's had sex with her husband. My friend, we'll call her "Carolyn" jumped in her seat and let out a loud yelp! (I think she forgot the rest of us were in there with her for a minute...) It was so loud! We started giggling like little schoolgirls. Next, I underestimated the width of my LARGE coke and tried to palm it like a basketball. I got the cup up just past the safety of the cup holder rim when the lid popped off and the cup started to buckle along with lots of sweet, sticky liquid and some noise making ice cubes. Kersplash! At least it only got the side of my chair and some on my leg. I took my now embarrassingly small stack of napkins and cleaned myself up as best I could all the while envying the pile of clean, white napkins "Carolyn" had laid all across her pretty white pants. I held my soaking wad in my hand the rest of the movie as it was all I had. We giggled some more about my mishap. Then, next thing you know, not even 10 minutes later, "Carolyn" made the same Large combo rookie mistake. She tried to palm her coke. She made it farther past the cup rim when I heard KKERRRSPLASH! The entire coke spilled. Now, one of the only very serious, quiet parts of the movie is going on and "Carolyn" and I are in hysterics. I could hardly see the movie through my tears and if it were a deep, thought-provoking film, I surely would have been lost. Now, we had a dilemma. When the movie is over, do we high-tail it out of there before anyone sees how bad we've destroyed our area? Or do we sit and wait for the lights to come on so we avoid any potential injury from wet floors? We waited for the lights...and when they came on OH MY the river of coke. We had to go out our row the long way to avoid the puddles. I try to pick up all my garbage when I leave my seat, so I turned to grab my coke which was about 1/3 full. I amateurishly tried to palm my beverage again and when the top popped off in the cup holder, I was like forget it! So, my apologies for those who had to clean up after us but I'm sure they've seen much worse. So, my lesson for today...don't be a pig and order the large combo. Save the dollar and the dry cleaning bill for something else!

Foot is healing just fine...thanks to some Red Wine

2008-06-10T20:51:00.000-04:00

Okay, so its my second day as an official blogger. My little site doesn't look as cool as some others (hhhmmmmm....you know who you are walker off''er), but hey, give me a few more posts and I will rock this thing! Okay, so I am back to life as we know it. One thing I am pretty pissed off about is the fact that I can't swim. Well, I CAN swim, (not drowning counts right?), but I had this foot surgery - by the worlds best surgeon - on my birthday last week to remove some glass...I was at one of my best friends beach house where mysteriously a vodka bottle was dropped and the only piece of glass not sucked up by the "claimed" vacuum found its way deep into my foot. The first attempt to remove the glass included an office visit to above-mentioned surgeon, where 100 shots of some stinging liquid was fired into the ball of my foot. Yeee-ouch! After digging around for what felt like four hours (probably really only about 15 minutes) I was told the quickest way to rid myself of the filthy sharp funk was a real operation. Scrubs, hair bonnets, narcotics and all! So, on my birthday I got to hang out in a cute little buttless gown and read my book while I awaited my time in the sterile operating environment. Long story short, all went well. I read 100 pages of my new book (Riding Lessons - kind of scary if you're an eventer) and had a great nap. Added bonus, I got the glass out of my foot! Happy, happy feet! Still a little sore, but every day is better.

Okay, so I totally opted to not allow comments due to a prior youtube a-hole who commented that my darling dancing children sucked. Total stranger and who asked him anyway? So, I may allow comments on my blog, but just know, I crumble with criticism, so if you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say anything at all...or lie!

BTW - tried a great new wine tonight - called "Red Knot" Cab - out of Australia I think...yummy~!

Of course I'm fabulous! Belmont Story...

2008-06-09T20:46:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I've been wanting to start a blog for some time. Whether anyone will read it or not...well, I guess I'll have no idea if noone is reading it, but just for the sake of s&g's, we'll pretend this is the number one blog stop on the web and TONS of people are reading this. Think of me like your morning cup of coffee...got to have it first thing or your whole day is shot.
So, you're wondering, what happened in my gerbil wheel life that launched me off of "thinking of blogging" to actually signing up and doing it? A trip to the BELMONT Stakes baby! So, instead of repeating the story 18,000 times (not that I don't love telling it), I figured I would detail it once and you can all read about it over and over because the story is just so great...btw envying me is okay.
So, here it is...went to dinner with some close friends for my birthday (unbelievable how many times one can turn 29) friday night. There was some wine flowing and as far as I can remember there were possibly some hard liquor drinks and perhaps a beer or two as well. We somehow got on the subject of Big Brown and the fact there hadn't been (and still hasn't been) a Triple Crown winner in over 30 years. Long story short (don't worry, I won't skimp on most details), next thing I know we're told if we can get tickets, we have a ride up to NY! So, home we go in the wee hours of the morning (I am drunk calling my old cronies at the BH thinking surely someone will check their voicemail at 11:30 on a Friday night, hunting for coveted Belmont tickets.) Next morning, wandering through a haze of post-big-night-early-children-risers hell, we got the confirmation that we weren't dreaming or high-fiving drunk talking, this trip was FOR REAL! I frantically pulled out my baby-sitter arsenal list and starting speed dialing numbers desperate for child care. At one point, things were looking a bit slim, so I considered just randomly calling people out of the phone book, but then I thought I may not have access to TV broadcast of the race in my jail cell, so I quickly reconsidered. Out of pure desperation, I called my neighbor to watch first shift from 12-3. Luckily for me, they are big race fans and I pulled my Belmont card out at the opportune moment, and Mrs. E. caved and committed.
Child care...check.

Next, oh, just GO! Jumped in the car with a cooler full of beer and champagne and went to the local airport to meet our private jet. Walked out on the tarmac and hopped right in (after my dorky 50 pictures I had to take). I just wasn't made to fly commercial. Anyway, arrived with a waiting town car, went to pick up our tickets at a stubhub location, and off to the races we went (with our friends J & C too). Got to the track in time for race #7. Didn't win a damn thing on my sorry bet, but it was fun. I have no idea where I was for race #8. Race #9, my husband tipped an usher and explained to him that I just HAD to see this race, and we scooted down to front row seats on level 2 - right at the finish line. Race went off, lost bet again (I've totally lost my touch since leaving LEX...). Now, there is one more race and then the Belmont Stakes race. J said place all bets for the rest of the time, and let's to sit back down in our non-seats. (Our seats were way the hell down by the quarter pole and were on the third level). So, we scoot right on back through and go down to our "seats" again, which by the way, HAD to be about the best seats in the house! Race #10 goes off...yes, lost another one...and then we sat...and sat...and waited to get our butts kicked out of our seats...and people started filling in around us...but we sat...and owned those seats...and we sat...5 mtp...(that's minutes to post for you non-racey readers)...3 mtp...more people filling in around us...1 mtp...0...we did it! We were in a corporate block and nobody knew we had nothing to do with the company that bought the block!
Anyway, as you all know, Big Brown was a big loser, and the only history we witnessed was there has never been a Triple Crown contender that finished last! Oh, well, there are many more details to the story, but this is the gist of it. Okay, one more, I had to walk what felt like a thousand miles on my 2 day-post surgery foot (this is another story altogether!!!)
So, there you have it. Pretty much the story. And just for the record...I am pretty fabulous! I'll see if I can figure out how to post photos too... Keep with me, I'm just learning!