Happy Thanksgiving!

So, I can't believe its already time for Tom Turkey to realize someone is going to take his donor card literally. Wow. Thanksgiving already. This truly is my favorite holiday. It's even better when you're pregnant (no, for the record, I am NOT), when you get to eat all you can, and have those not-so-flattering-but-noone-cares tummy panel pants. There's nothing better than over stuffing oneself with Thanksgiving trimmings and then have the tummy panel that allows even more room than you ever thought possible. Yes, I realize they DO make these types of garments in a non-maternity fashion, but I hope never to put upon my body. I'm thinking a dress might be the way to go this year. Not so great for chasing toddlers but you have to make sacrifices somewhere right? So, in true style of the Thanksgiving holiday, I am thankful for my health, my family, and my abilities and talents. I am also thankful for mothers, fathers and children. I am thankful for doggies and horses, and cats only if they eat mice. I am thankful for brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and cousins and Leandro and cousins. Grandparents are great too especially if they change dirty diapers. I am thankful for babysitters. I am thankful for my friends especially if they read my blog. I'm very thankful for my devout bloggies...thanks for reading my crap. Lots to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day! ...I need a hug... ; )

Scissors should be BANNED from certain hands...

I am so seething mad today I can hardly stand it. I'm probably more upset at me for allowing myself to get pressured into a bad situation that I will clearly regret for at least 6 months (or however long it takes to regrow inches off a child's sweet head of hair). Some people should be banned from handling scissors and/or clippers when a male child under the age of 5 is involved. These people specifically have a red and blue striped pole twirling outside their place of business. They should be required to place a disclaimer outside their shop stating that they are "mother approved" for the first haircut ONLY which basically consists of just lobbing off that one little curl to wrap in cellophane and place in the baby book for eternity, that could be performed at home but because it is a boy it needs to be performed in a daddy approved man place like a barber shop. After that, barber shops should be required to turn away any child who is under 5...unless they are dressed in camo from head to toe and sporting a rifle over their shoulder complete with a spit tobacco swollen lip...Only then should a barber be allowed to rev up his clippers (because ONE its a given lifetime high and tight, and TWO his mom clearly is not dressing him in coveralls and planning to take his Christmas card picture any time soon.) So, my poor baby looks like crap. I hate his hair. I cried today over lost babyhood. It was pitiful. My older son asked me if I was done crying and (clearly preparing him for husbandhood later on in life) I told him NO, I needed to cry over D's terrible haircut some more. So, here's my lesson I learned today and the one I pass on to all my fellow bloggies. DO NOT let anyone who is associated with a barber shop come anywhere near your baby unless you are prepared for all those sweet locks to be lopped off without a care in the world. It truly is heartbreaking...and horrible...I wish it had been my head. : ( Be warned. ; )

Welcome Leandro!!!

Welcome to the world Leandro Wilson Carpenter! Born on election day. Congrats to my brother and Cassia on their new bundle of joy (trust me, that phrase only lasts while you are on your exhaustion high and you can send the baby to the nursery and you have an army nurses at the tip of your call button finger to help you...) In all seriousness, congrats! And can't wait to meet the little guy. Emerson is already putting together a pile of inappropriate toys he wants Leandro to play with when they meet. ; ) And just for the record, you can all thank little Leandro this morning because my fingers were so warmed up to blog about this election... : )

VOTE TODAY!

Okay. I have so much to say on this topic I would crash the entire Internet world if I said everything I would like to say (never mind not leave my house for a decade or two which would just be a shame to the world in itself). Anyway, I'm all about voting. Shame on everyone who doesn't vote that can. However, the process just down right sucks. I totally blame the media (who doesn't). Why is it we can put a man on the moon, but we have the most f-ed up, archaic, ballot casting methods known to man (and woman)? So, since it's election day, and I clearly appear to be stepping up onto my soap box...well, I'm up, so here goes.

If I could change the political process voting for President of the United States, this is how it would work. Think a little "Miss America" here minus the swim suit portion (yes, talent would be included).
1) 365 days before the election (so Nov. 4, 2007 for this election), each state goes to the polls and votes for their state Presidential candidate. That gives us 50 candidates.
2) Immediately, each candidate will participate in a regional debate divided by time zone (ha! there's a concept...) and elect a regional Presidential candidate. This will quickly get us down to 4 candidates (Alaska and Hawaii would be included with PST - see I've thought this through). Yes, they could all be R's or all D's or all independents. These 4 candidates can spend the rest of the year campaigning, advertising, etc. all the usual junk.
3) ON ELECTION DAY - yes folks, that's DAY is in singular (minus military and absentee), we ALL goto vote. No more early voting. ALL polls are open at 6am EST (yes, that's an early morning for you west coaster volunteers) and ALL polls close at 9PM PST (yes, that's midnight - or 11:59 to keep it to one day for you east coasters). No precincts can report diddly until the stroke of midnight EST. (Including the media who won't have a clue what's going on and might actually have to report on other news besides who they think has already won by 9AM in the morning!!!!)
4) AT THE POLLS - Each voter will be required to take a short 5 question quiz such as who are the Presidential candidates, where is the White House, and other basic knowledge questions PRIOR TO VOTING. If you do not pass the quiz, you cannot vote. It's that simple. If you are too stupid to know what you are voting for, you shouldn't be allowed the privilege....period...

So, to wrap it up...What this will do...1) We all vote at the same time. There's no rolling across the country so Washingtonians think they don't need to vote because the election is over before their morning alarm clock even goes off. 2) Do away with this let's vote for the best of the worst which seems to be the case sometimes. We all get to vote in multiple mini elections. 3) This will do away with the Caucasus and other crap that noone really knows what they are anyway but big rally events and why is Iowa so lucky?

That's about it. Support me and my "Audra Plan" to reform the political process in this country. But, more importantly, be sure to vote today.

Oh, and please feel free to forward my plan to Obama and McCain. ; )

I didn't turn into a Pumpkin...

I haven't been abducted by aliens, nor have I turned into a pumpkin...Just been a little busy. Wow, it's been awhile since my last post. I hadn't realized how long it had been. It's really the fault of facebook anyway. Kind of found myself in little banters back and forth and spent all my insomniac hours pitzing around in there. Clearly, I should have been blessing all my devoted bloggies (not sure the technical term for my groupies) with my words of wisdom. So, let's see, since my last post I took the kids to Seattle (this in itself deserves its own post, but since so much time has lapsed, we'll let it go), threw a fabulous masquerade ball party (that a few of my bloggies missed), and spent an entire weekend pretty much drunk as we celebrated my husbands 20 year high school reunion. Hats off to my BFF (and husband) who threw an awesome (see my 80's lingo thrown in here) party. Usually, when I attend a party, I peeter out around midnight. Yes, I do see the correlation between myself and Cinderella. I was having a great time when the acoustic player said his good nights. I thought to myself, we'll that sucks, he's done so early (thinking it had to be pre-midnight since I hadn't started turning into a pumpkin yet). When I looked at my watch I couldn't believe it was after 2am. Whoo-hoo! Maybe I'm not so old after all! It took us another hour to catch a cab home which basically consisted of me pacing, my husband watching, our friend J squishing his wife M as he snored face down pinning her into a chair while she shrugged and asked if we could just leave him and pick him up in the morning. Cab came, got home, paid sitter an exorbitant amount of money (part of it being bribe money to please return and watch the children again), got in bed and fell asleep for about 3 hours before the little people that live in our house were up and at 'em. Thank goodness Sonic serves cheeseburgers, onion rings, fries, and giant 44 oz cokes in the morning! All in all, great times these last few weeks, and I really will try to post more often now that I know my bloggies miss me!

I'm Back...

So much to write. I was swept up in Seattledom for 2 weeks. This means I only got minimal use of the computer for short spurts when my sweet sister-in-law was not online shopping for the latest in baby gear. (Go for the Bugaboo. You'll look cool at U-Village...)

So, more about that later...but just wanted to let all you faithful blog followers out there to know that I'm back and to expect regular posts again. ; )

Picture totally unrelated to post but isn't my Bandit dog cute? He's a love...

Love Hannah...don't love Hanna....

So, I'm pretty pissed off about this tropical mess named Hanna that is coming to visit tonight. I know, I know, be thankful she's not a swirling, angry, mommy-type, with a big "5" next to her name. But, all things equal, she's messed things up pretty good for me.

I was supposed to show my horse at my FIRST EVER first level dressage test tomorrow. Well, clearly, that has been canceled. And since I couldn't seem to find water wings that would fit my horse at the local Wal-Mart we couldn't go anyway. Instead, I am going to be holed up with three testosterone infused beings in a house while the deluge goes on outside. The walls will start closing in. All of a sudden our home will feel like a 50 square foot box with a locked lid. Anyway, I just want to be clear that while I'm definately not a fan of "Hanna", I am a big fan of "Hannah" as she is my fabulous niece.

One other note tonight. As bad as the reviews were, the new Star Wars movie is pretty cool. In fact, I totally recommend seeing it. If you decide to, I have the perfect companion for you. He's about 4 feet tall and the last show he can really handle is the 5:00. But, he will share is popcorn which is an added bonus. ; )

Boxed Wine

For any of you who have not discovered boxed wine, you have not fully lived. This, next to the round wheel, is probably one of the best inventions the world as ever seen. I remember when I discreetly put my first box in my cart at Target. I placed it in the cart and then quickly mounded loaves of bread, pillows, clothing, and toys I didn't need, around it. I was praying I wouldn't run into anyone I knew at the dreadfully slow checkout. Thank goodness there was no "price check on boxed wine" announcement. I definitely would have covered my face and run out, leaving my cart and a confused cashier behind. Its like buying your first box of tampons or pregnancy test.

Now, opening a box of wine is very different than opening a bottle. To the novice boxer, it can be a bit intimidating as you don't want to mess up 4 bottles worth of succulent burgundy liquid (or pale yellow, depending on your poison). I think it took me over five minutes of reading and re-reading the instructions. Poke hole. Push in. Throw away dot. Don't throw away mouse hole piece or tear off. Pull out spigot. Close mouse hole piece over spigot. Tear off miniature foil covering opening. Grab glass. Place under spigot. Push lever and watch liquid pore in. Ta-da!

Now, once you have consumed whats about four bottles of wine (this of course depends on the box size, but who wastes time on itty bitty boxes. Boxed wine is for the serious wine drinker. Proceed with caution of you "dabble" in Boone's Farm or wine coolers. This could be dangerous territory for you.) the box will appear empty. You might hold your glass under the spigot and mash down with all your might on the button only to have a small trickle come out. This is when things get serious. You now must rip open the top of the box and proceed to "milk" the bag. This will get you a whole glass of wine thus instantly curing the building rage and putting you in a happy state.

I am now a box aficionado. It takes me less than 3 seconds to pop out the hole, pull out the spigot, return the mouse hole, remove the foil, pour, and sip. I proudly place the box in my cart even at the high end stores. If I could order the box at a restaurant, I probably would. Okay, probably not, but its pretty good. Embrace the box!

Letter Missing from the Alphabet!!!! ZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Okay, so "they" say it takes the average person about 7 minutes to fall asleep. What do "they" say about 7 hours? Here's my story: I officially closed my book and turned off the light at 10pm. Tossed and turned, got up, went to couch, read a bit, turned off light, got hot, got up, turned down a/c, back on couch, couldn't get comfortable, went to bathroom, got back in bed, laid there some more, light mysteriously turned on at 4:12, Dalton cried out at 4:23, got back up, window shopped on ebay for an hour, and now I'm writing in my blog (its 5:09am) just to get to first light so I can finally have this night over! Why can't I SLEEP? Now I'm going to spend my day feeling hung over and miserable because my brain didn't quite get the message that it was time to shut down and be quiet. Is this the start of insanity? (no comments from the peanut gallery please) Anyway, to all you people out there that border on narcolepsy and can pass out and enter REM with the TV blaring, I think you need to bow down to the sleep gods and be thankful you can enjoy those beautiful zzzzz's. Clearly, my alphabet has been cut to 25 letters as my zzzzz's are all lost. Hopefully, with a little help from Rite Aid OTC's, I may be able to find them again. ugh! It's now 5:16. I think I will make myself a pot of coffee and throw my riding clothes on and go wake up my horse. What time does it get light anyway?...

Called to the BLOG

Okay, so I don't have anything exciting to say today, but I did have a friend tell me that I need to post more (you know who you are melon-baller), so clearly this post is about quantity rather than quality. Well, I take that back because its a given that any words that pass from my fingers to the keyboard are nothing but quality. So, here's quality served up in quantity. There...that sounds better.
So, it's September tomorrow and Labor Day. The official end of summer. While some of you pull out your hankies to dry your tears, I will gladly wave my fall leaf flag. NO MORE BATHING SUITS! No more sucking it in! (Well, noticeably anyway...) It's time for jeans with big sweaters to hide muffin tops. I can finally get the chisel out to get off the 40 layers of nail polish on my toes. My peds can hide under socks and Danskos until next year. Brisk mornings. Hot steaming coffee. Soup. So, here's my farewell to the hot humid days and welcome...welcome...my FALL. Of course until I get sick of the cold, rain, cold hands, cold car, cold seats in my car until the seat warmers start working, cold fingers on children that find their way under the layers to my warm skin, cold baby noses that never stop running, flu, vomiting virus, contagious anything, being cramped up in the house because its too cold to do anything, cold dogs with wet muddy feet, did I say vomiting virus?...by the way...is it summer yet?

Happy Birthday to my BRO

So, I'm sending a public shout-out to my bigger, older, graying, soon-to-be-daddy which coorelates to that much closer to grandfather-dom, brother. Happy Birthday! So, with my well wishes being sent, I will now relish in my youth and the fact that I will always be younger than you. True, you can now round my age up to 40 as well, but that's only if you're good at math. Most people would probably round down to 30, and of course, after taking a look at me it would just be a crime to round to 40.

With all kidding aside, HAPPY B-DAY, and enjoy your beer and staying up past 10 o'clock and sleeping longer than 3 hours at a time, because your next "birth"day (which is the one you'll be witnessing) will most likely include plastic bottles instead of glass and staying up all hours of the night will have a totally new meaning.

Enjoy your last "solo" birthday. I love you, bro! ; )

PS - here's a piece of cake for you...

Survey...

Raise your hand if you think I'm boring and no fun to be around...okay, never mind, put your hands down. ; )

My fabulous HORSE

So, this is where I talk about how FABULOUS my pony is. As most of you know, well, if you are in any why connected to me at all and have been ALIVE for the last 2 years, you know about my sweet little Ana. Sweet, wonderful, Trak, mare. I know, I know, this is such a different tune than I whistled 3 years ago when some of you will quote me as saying that mares were only good for creating great geldings. Such crap obviously. My mare is the sweetest thing. If she could come inside and curl up at the foot of the bed like the dogs, she would. I am so excited to show her at our first dressage event coming up early Sept. Don't worry, you will all get an ear/page full when that happens. Watch out Olympics 2050...okay, so we can dream...

hmm...where am I?

So, this is going to be a short entry. Partly is because I'm tired. Other partly because...well, I'm just friggin' tired. So, what's new...Okay, here's a short story...So, the other night Emerson decided he just wasn't going to sleep. I put him back in his bed what felt like 1000 times (and I really think that number is not too far off.) Finally, after pulling the "mama, I neeeeeeed you. Mama, I want yoooouuuuuuu." routine (it was the mama, I need yoouuuu that got me...plus tears helped...) I threw him in the bed with me and figured he would probably fall asleep before daddy got home from the gym and could then do the seamless transfer that can only occur after the onset of full on REM. Well, being the Olympics addicts we are, men's gymnastics was on. The Chinese team was doing their floor routine (which WHY don't they get music too like the women?) and Emerson was watching despite my warnings of goto sleep or else (but being an addict myself, just couldn't turn it off). Anyway, after a few minutes, Emerson slips out of the bed and disappears. I sighed and snuggled down into my blankets to savor my few minutes of peace and quiet. Then, I hear a THUMP THUMP! What is that!!!!???? I look over the foot of the bed and there is Emerson jumping and rolling around out of control. What's wrong?! Mama, I'm practicing. I want to do that! So, long story short, Emerson wants to be the next world class male gymnast and is even signed up with his best friend, Connor, to take tumbling this fall. I know you are all smiling as you read this thinking, "how cute", but J and I will be laughing all the way to the bank when Nike and whoever else is going to endorse Nastia (go USA!) and Shawn (we'll take it from here girls in a few years) sign Emerson and he then signs all his checks over to his loving parents because we believed in him one August night in 2008 when he was hopping around our bedroom like a jumping bean with hot salsa in his pants. So, here's to believing in your children and yourself...Here's to BIG dreams...and sweet dreams...

JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING

No words can ever describe this trip...but I will do my best. I'll start by saying if you (and I'm probably talking the whole two of you that actually read this blog...) ever get a chance to get out to Jackson Hole...DO IT! Beautiful! So, here's the story... or at least what I'm willing to tell of it. ; ) Got up at the crack of dawn to catch our Delta flight. I tried to cram as much hot summer/cool fall type clothes into my one, under 50 pound, bag that I was allotted. Thankfully I wasn't planning on skiing or snowshoeing as I would have either had to wear my parka and pants on board the plane or pay the extra $1000 for a second bag. Got everything in and weighed in on my bathroom scale which came up to 47lbs. Figured a three pound error should be okay. I was hoping I didn't "adjust" the zero on the scale more than 3 lbs...So, off we go at 5:30 AM. I was so proud of myself for seemingly having it together and being on time. That is until we were about 20 minutes into our trip when I realized I had left my sparkling clean (which is why they were off my hand) rings on the bathroom counter...We had to turn around...Thankfully we had a small extra pillow of time due to my togetherness and a small misreading of the departure time on the itinerary. We got turned around, rushed home, picked up rocks, and got back on the road. Got to the airport, J took car to Egypt, limped through security, and made it to our gate. Got on plane, changed in Salt Lake, and arrived in JH (that'd be Jackson Hole) with no trouble. Stayed at a beautiful home just outside of town. I will call our group "the Hole Pack" which consisted of J&A, L&T, D&M, and B&J. Whew! We made it...

Day 1 - Jackson Hole

Day 1: Arrived at our home away from home in complete style being chauffeured in a black suv and black sedan by the russians. Very Hollywood. Bedrooms were already assigned so after a quick survey of the grounds we dumped our bags and then reconvened for a "wooohooo" cocktail. Our roles on this trip quickly became apparent. Within the hour D & I were off to the corner grocery to stock up on much needed supplies. We were just getting the basics...you know, beer, wine, lettuce, chips, bacon, tape, etc. and for over an hour we stuffed all kinds of things into two carts as we wondered aimlessly around. Note to group: D & Audra not allowed to grocery shop together again. Gone for long time and spent lots of money. But, we figured we'd put our time in early and next time it was someone elses turn. Got carload full of supplies home and unpacked. Next...let's go into town! We were about a 10 minute car ride away from downtown Jackson. We went for a burger at the Silver Dollar bar and then wandered over to the Cadillac. Digestive and heartburn issues seemed to make their way around our group and the first one under attack was T. Her tight corset shirt didn't seem to be helping her issue, so as the good...I mean unbelievably good...friend I am I offered to switch with her so she could wear my loose, comfy, black shirt. Into the bathroom we go and switched. Thankfully we were in a bar and I was able to request some bacon grease to help squeeze me into the thing. No wonder she had heartburn! I am happy to report it was a size 2, so was worth not being able to breath just to say that. J had gone to get heartburn relief at the nearest store which was forever away and by the time he returned, he was overheated and feeling bad. So, we all laid down in the park for a quick rest before participating in some tight rope walking. Then, home we went. Can't remember what we did for dinner this night.

Day 2 - Jackson Hole

Day 2 (Sunday): Spent about 3 hours in the morning, sucking down three pots of coffee with REAL cream (thankfully one woman went on the grocery store run), trying to figure out what to do. Ended up going to a lunch back at the Cadillac where the world shrank really fast. The hostess asked where we were from, and when we answered NC, she said her too. When asked where, she answered Rocky Mount. Ha! What a small world. Our lunch seemed to go on and on and on...and on. Finally, after a few hours, we were set free. Off to go rent bicycles. We rode for miles in the heat through the Elk Refuge which was really neat. Didn't see any elk or any signs of elk, and even started to wonder if they didn't just say "Elk Refuge" just to get tourists to keep the dirt rode traveled, but we did see a coyote, a prairie dog, and some sort of bird of prey (hopefully not thinking "snack"). After riding, we went back home to get ready for our big dinner out at the SRG which was supposed to be out of this world. Of course I had a major clothing crisis but thankfully T was able to return the wardrobe favor by lending me a comfy red dress. Got to the restaurant, ordered GREAT wine, ordered dinner, and then it was my turn on the roulette wheel of heartburn. I miserably traveled a path between my chair and the bathroom which thankfully was only about 20 feet. J left dinner to go find tagamet. I then realized I had thrown a roll of tums in my pocketbook just in case anyone got heartburn. Ha! I was saving myself! I quickly ate the roll, J returned with the tag, and in about 15 minutes was feeling much better. I came back to the table ready to finish my million dollar meal that I had taken only 3 bites of, and it was GONE! The server thought I was done. That meal should have sat and sat and grown mold from sitting so long until I WAS ASKED IF I WAS finished. Which clearly I wasn't. It's a shame to leave a good, expensive, meal hungry. Long story short, all the meats ordered were overcooked, one so badly it HAD to be sent back - well-done when med-rare was ordered. Needless to say, I was not impressed and of course they will be getting one of my unsatisfied customer letters. On a positive note, the wine was excellent...After dinner, went home for some music and drinks.

Day 3 - Jackson Hole

Day 3: aaaa....SPA day. The boys and girls split up. Boys had a testosterone filled day of hiking and gondola riding. The girls went for a special treat at the spa. J and M chose facials. T had a hot stone massage, and I had an experience labeled "wrapped in stillness". More like wrapped in Heaven. Started with a exfoliating brushing of the skin which oddly enough felt good. Then more of a traditional massage with oil. After that, its a hot oil drip and then wrapped in crinkly paper. While all wrapped up, I had a full scalp massage which was awesome. After that, it was straight into the shower and then back to the lounge to rest. Once we were all finished with our services, we decided to stay all day (as you can use all the facilities) and have lunch. So, we lunched in our robes and chatted like little school girls. Life is good! Then we hopped from the steam bath, to the pool, to the lounge for a mimosa, back to the steam bath, all afternoon. Decided to eat in that night, so left Spa (I think a few tears were shed), and headed to SMITH's grocery for provisions. Got home and actually had a civilized grown up dinner with everyone seated at the table. What a wonderful day.

Day 4 - Jackson Hole

Day 4: Got up and headed out to Jenny Lake in the Grand Teton National Park for a day hike. Sounded easy enough. An approximately 2 mile hike around the lake, a short hike up to Inspiration Point, and then take the boat back across the lake to end. Hike started out on a laughable, flat, paved path. This quickly ended and the dirt, root and rock exposed, winding, narrow trail began. I think this trail was really only 2 miles - the way the crow flies - and about 10 miles winding around. Needless to say, it was beautiful! We saw Hidden Falls waterfall where the temperature dropped about 10 degrees. We hiked up a very narrow path to Inspiration Point - elev. 7200. All in all, it was gorgeous. Saw a deer, tons of chipmunks, and a big bull moose. Left the Park and headed back to the house to have an afternoon cocktail and be together. Decided to head into town for B, J, and I's last night in town. Having run out of money hiring the Russians to ride us in style, we called what we should have been riding in all along. The REDNECK TAXI. Not only did we all physically fit in the van...well, we just fit in. Had trouble corralling our unorganized group and even more trouble agreeing on a place to go. Chatted with "balls" the stagecoach guy and then finally settled on the Cowboy bar (where the barstools are saddles) even though B was dragging his feet about our choice and claiming he was turning in early. D was having his own party a little ahead of the rest of us. We sat down and had a great meal of hot dogs, nachos, and cheese steaks. Live music was getting ready to start. Somehow, B told the band manager that J was best friends with some country music star. So, for the next few hours, J had to talk up his relationship and how he was doing his best to get x star to come for a guest appearance at the bar. B was getting free drinks through all of this...I'm still a little fuzzy on this whole scenario. Long story short, the band got going and so did we. Out on the dance floor for the next few hours. We even got "mama" out on the floor - a Canadian woman celebrating her 60 something b-day with her daughter. Just as it was getting late, an announcement was made that there was a special guest. I thought J had pulled off whatever they had been working on all night. Needless to say, unrelated, but Trent T came out and sang a few songs. I had never heard of him, but he was really good and sang "Purple Rain" like no other! It got late, we went home.